Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Tuesday, 17 August 2021

On Holidays

Before the support group, I went for
a walk.
Went Oop North to see my mother with the eldest two this last weekend, and it was pretty good. We had a whale of time visiting Scotland on one day and I took the Boy swimming and gave him his first ever proper lesson on how to swim. He's 11! Anyway, yes, fun was had. And, bonus, the night before we set off I did get chance to attend the in-person support group again and that was quite lovely. Low turn out, sure, but the conversation was good and it felt really relaxed and nice - even if I was trying extra hard to listen and not dominate conversation as is my wont. I wore mascara and lipstick too. I know, get me!

This is all over the place, I'm going to embrace it.

The best part of going was waking up the following morning with a still smooth chin - that felt just a little extra. Shaved legs and pits and chest was also rather nice. Made wearing boxers and male socks for the weekend just about doable. My mother still isn't quite in a place to accept me dressing differently, I feel. And she also brought on some rather depressive thought the first night we were there so I avoided deep and meaningfuls the following nights by joining her in drinks whilst we played board games with the children - these went very well (the drinks and the games). I should point out that I am not alcoholic, we're talking one or two units of alcohol an evening. Literally one or two. There were two on the second evening.

More from that walk.

I was rather looking forward to the
evening, can you tell?
I got a bit of a dressing down by a woman doing whiskey tasting, which was a bit unfair, but I did my usual of just taking it and then we left so, no worries. Got to take the children to a castle I remember from my youth and find some new parts - they've discovered an older castle behind it along with a harbour and some other interesting earthworks - that I hadn't seen before. Both children enjoyed it, one taking a virtual tour with my mother on her phone and the other revelling in the freedom to run about and take photos. They both enjoyed the board games as well, which was great as they were all blasts from the past: Swindle, Rat RaceScotland Yard, Pictionary, A.S.A.P and Charades. We only had one meltdown from the eldest over the latter (not used to thinking how to do words like that, the charades played at drama were... a little less than grunting and hoping your friends randomly guessed the right film). And we had a meltdown from the middlest - which was new.

For that I did, eventually, realise what was happening and was able to actually help - with my mother doing what she used to do with me (which wasn't very helpful despite the best of intentions) being shouted good words and trying to 'chivvy along' - so that the middlest didn't feel too badly about the whole affair.

At the castle.

I really like this one.
One thing did come through though and that was the fact that we didn't plan the holiday like a military operation. I actually felt like I got a holiday too! The whole Scotland trip was ad hoc beyond the desire to hit Scotland - with bits added and changed with the weather situation and what the children enjoyed or didn't. It was like how I remember my childhood and nothing like any break with Tilly has ever been. If it hasn't been planned, checked, written down and prepared for then Tilly won't do it - there was never any spontaneity with Tilly. We got close on our honeymoon and they were the bits she hated the most. And, well, I don't do well being tied to an itinerary that we must stick to come Hell or high water. Nor do I do well trying to plan out in advance everything I'd like to do - I do best when we just bob somewhere because it's close by - the castle bit, for example, was because we spotted a sign and realised how close we were to it and we all agreed that we wanted to stay out longer before going home for tea.

Coming home was good too, a lovely journey - though I did feel very lonely that evening. They both got tea (Tilly had cooked, having previously eaten with the youngest) and Tilly quizzed me how they'd been as they ate. By the time I had left and charged the car it was much too late to eat, so I didn't. Then I just felt incredibly lonely and sad for a bit even with the nice feeling of being in my nightie with stuffed bra (no, seriously, I was not prepared for how much I needed to feel that after three days away and not dressing at all). Today has been a bit busy - shopping, lunch, smallest over then the middlest for his usual evening - no Pokemon though - and now... Now I'm posting on here.

Though there is one other thing to add. Quite out of nowhere Miss Warrington got in contact last night to arrange a curry and beer evening next week. I have to confess that I am quite looking forward to that. Not least as it is the evening after the next in-person support group meeting when the children are off with Tilly to see her parents. I got three nights, they're off for eight. Plus points? Well, this curry night is one and another will be that I get a full week to dress 24/7 - or thereabouts - and I can't say I'm not looking forward to that because I am.

And... well, that's it for now. Nothing weighty or philosophical, just a hodge-podge of random events.


  1. very Amazing .do you have mailing list by e.mail .i do not see any subscribe .very well done for talking about these issues .my blog.http;//mark-kent.webs.com twitter.supersnopper I HAVE Aspergers and M.E . are you on Linkedin. PLEASE REPLY .MARK

    1. Hi Mark,

      Thank you for stopping by. To follow there's usually a button in the top right of the screen (but depends on how you access this site, so...). It's not usually good form to add webistes to your comment (and I think your account already links to your site).

      Alas, I am not on LinkedIn. Even if I were, it wouldn't be connected here anyway, as my bio says - I like the anonymity.

      I hope you are feeling better than you were back in 2020 these days (according to your site).


  2. thank you for the reply .you looked on my blog.SEE HOW ANY BODY CAN SUBSCRIBE .. I THINK THAT WITH Aspergers MORE PEWOPLE ARE BECOMING LOT MORE CROSS-DRESSING ..TRANS ..VERY AMAZING ..I, HAVE/DO TRY MYSELF .are you aware of OTHERS who would like chat .nice of you to ask.VERY RARE I GET THAT .MY HEALTH IS A LOT.WORSE HARDLY STAND.people never see the every day effects there views/judgements very SNOTTY NOSED ..mark


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!