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Wednesday, 21 July 2021

Related Notes and Peak Glaciation

Not the wedding I went to.

But, hey, it's been a while!

Is it my blog if there isn't a bride
in it somewhere?
Over the weekend I did indeed go to the wedding, and I was nervous throughout. Made worse when we were there and told that the groomsmen and Best Man had all tested positive for COVID and been unable to attend, along with plenty of the staff of the venue. But, no one at the wedding or venue was positive or had been told to isolate, so yay, right?

Obviously I got pinged by the app last night. My daughter, who went with me, has tested positive on a Lateral Flow Test and is showing symptoms. My mother has had a PCR (also pinged by app) and come back negative, along with negative Lateral Flow Tests on Sunday and Tuesday. I've tested with Lateral Flow Tests Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and today and been negative. Also taken a PCR test and I shall hear back on that in due course. It means that I am isolating and so is Tilly and the rest of the family in their house.

Bit of a bugger, I had managed to arrange things to attend the support group again this Tursday, I guess that's out now. Oh well.

On the way to the wedding, whilst the daughter was listening to music via earphones in the back of the car, I told my mother about attending the support group. She kept pointing out that I was using hair clips in my hair, that she felt they were obvious and that it was worthy of some teasing. She teased a lot actually, pointing it out to anyone who would listen whilst we were at the wedding. She asked, on the journey, about hormones - is that something I wanted to do? I raised it, and I said that I didn't know. And... I kinda don't. I mean, I think I might want to, but I know next to nothing about how to do it, what the process is and whether or not it would even be advisable. My mother was quiet. Topics were changed.

Apparently, one of the guests.
On the morning of the drive home, the day after the wedding, my mother noticed me getting dressed after my shower. "Have you shaved your legs?" I had, but it had been a while ago and said so. My mother opined that she thought I was doing things I felt that I had to and that it was silly. She said that I didn't need to do things like that. Or grow my hair. She feels that, if I had had better and more understanding support from Tilly then I wouldn't be where I am. She's said as much before.

What I didn't say, because I'm slow at thinking things through and didn't realise until later, was that it's not a case of feeling that I have to so much as I feel that I can.

Girlie has this on a t-shirt, she took it
and insisted on parading it around,
explaining what the colours represented
without ever actually telling my mother
she was bisexual.
After my mother left I ended up round at Tilly's, giving back some money she'd lent when I took the eldest to the park last week, and was relating some of the issues my mother had had with the eldest going on about Pride and being bisexual (she does this a lot, my daughter, she asked to tell my mother, and I told her she could, but then didn't and just made increasingly loud and obvious allusions to Pride, bisexuality and going to the Pride march in the holidays - if it's on). There had been a discussion. My mother had told me that she felt my daughter couldn't know if she were bisexual yet and was worried that she might get bullied by people. Also, that my daughter didn't know enough people who weren't ASD to know anything about herself yet. It was maddening.

Anyway, Tilly felt our daughter does rather go on about such things (in fairness, she does shoe-horn it into anything, like when I said a tablecloth was not quite straight at the wedding my daughter loudly declared "It's straighter than me!" *sigh*). But when I mentioned that my mother was going on about hair grips in my hair (not clips you see) Tilly countered with this gem: "Well, maybe she's worried."

I pretended not to understand.

"Well, growing your hair and with your, you know, your dressing. She's probably worried."

I decided not to pursue that conversation. I'm not ready to talk with Tilly about that yet. Also, we're divorced, it's not her concern any more.

Oh, hey, this is the t-shirt.
And Tilly is not wrong. At the wedding, one of my cousins, standing in for the Best Man, struggled to read out the speech - it was interpreted by the guests as emotion that his brother was getting married. But he told me, and his long-term girlfriend confirmed, that it was down to Anxiety and struggling to speak in front of an audience. Given that I have ASD and I'm pretty certain my mother does, and her sister - who would likely qualify as 'vulnerable' - I mused out loud if this cousin could have ASD. None of the connections were there, just that my cousin's Anxiety could be connected to ASD.

My mother responded by saying: "Don't be daft! He's not autistic. I don't think [his mother] is either. I'm not, and nor are you or [eldest daughter] and [middlest child]. Just like you're not trans and she's not bisexual."

I spoke to her about this on the way back, by way of autism. My mother is of the opinion that I'm not autistic, nor are my children, and it's all a plot by Tilly to belittle me and prevent our children from developing or going to school. After all, none of us needs 24 hour care, we don't lick radiators and we can talk perfectly well. We don't smear shit on walls and we can function day-to-day. She doesn't believe my diagnosis because, she claims, I made things up to get it and my daughter is just lacking the width of social interactions she needs to show she isn't autistic either. Saying that we are, said my mother, was just an opening for people to bully or pigeonhole us. After all, she reminded me, my workplace had been rather keen to have a go at me when they learned I was diagnosed with ASD. People expect autism to be one thing and she didn't want me to put myself into that box or category and get taken advantage of by others as a result, or judged because of it. It was the same with my daughter. She understands that I have quirks and foibles, but a more accepting girlfriend or wife would be fine with that and then I would realise that I don't need to call myself 'autistic' because I'm not.

Continental rebound after glaciation.

It's visible in the lines on the beach, see?
I explained to her that times had changed and her understanding of autism was somewhat out of date to which she huffed and puffed a bit, conceded that maybe things were different, but pointed out that most people would be unaware of any of the nuance. She just didn't want me to tell people about having ASD because that would lead to judgement.

I didn't pursue the trans and bisexual part because, well, I think I know where that would go as well.

And, well, what if she's sort of semi-right in a sense. What if I am just experiencing the 'ping' back (see what I did there?) of the continental plate after the end of the ice-age and the removal of the weight of the glaciers?

On an unrelated note, I await a parcel today with some glasses. One pair are 'cat-eye' and I am a bit excited about that.

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