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This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Friday, 23 July 2021

Little by Little

New glasses. Hair not that long yet.
One thing that completely slipped my mind and didn't get reported, and it absolutely deserves to be reported, was a comment on the last day of school back on Tuesday. It was delivered as a throwaway remark based on a throwaway one of my own as we were leaving the room that has served as an office for much, well all, of this rather odd year in teaching. I made a comment that I have made many many times before without anyone feeling the need to say anything back, I said: "Ugh, my hair is an absolute mess" and I made it without expecting anyone to even notice that I'd said it. One of the main aspects of being autistic means that I tend to verbalise my internal dialogue randomly and unhelpfully. Maybe at one time in the dim and distant past I was fishing for compliments? I don't know.

This time was different, as Miss Warrington announced, apparently with some feeling, "No, your hair is beautiful!" and then swept out of the room before I had chance to respond.

Pause whilst I read that back again. And then I exhale.

The look yesterday and today.

FaceApp is struggling with the t-shirt,
but I like the glasses.
I have had a negative PCR, consistently negative Lateral Flow Tests, and I have missed the support group meeting last night. There was no gaming night either, as had been planned, which was a shame. I spent the evening being very bored. However, I spent the whole day dressed and used the heat of it to be out in the garden weeding and dressed. I was in the dungaree dress thing and my butterfly design t-shirt, wearing the glasses that arrived on Wednesday - the 'cat-eye' design ones. It was... well, it was a good day if a little on the boring side. I finished it off by getting into bed with my nightie and thus, with today, have spent over 36 hours dressing as me. Strangely enough it did not involve any climaxing, like that wasn't the reason for me dressing. And I have no work on, nor stresses, so it wasn't even a stress response. Imagine that.

I had been out for a walk with a different pair on Wednesday night - don't worry, I went on a route where I met very very few people and was sufficiently out of the way that I wasn't breaking quarantine. I mean, maybe I was, who knows? One thing I can report is that I like how I feel when I am wearing glasses and wished I could have had the courage to go out fully dressed.

I don't know why, but I like this shot.
To do that, of course, I really must invest some money in make-up and time in practice so that I can at least soften the edges of my eyes, the five o'clock shadow and so forth. Time for another day. I have ordered and gained a wallplanner, this is excellent, and my school shoes for next year - whatever happens I don't think I'm ready to be 'out' at work just yet. Maybe, maybe in the future. Maybe if I take action that means it becomes harder to cross-dress as a man. Maybe.

Today, after having confirmation of my negative PCR, I picked up shopping on the click and collect thing for the rest of the family. Tilly had 'panicked' in her words and ordered enough shopping for the full ten day isolation - it came to around £100 she said, and was thus much more expensive than her usual shops. Huh, when I was at home we regularly exceeded £100 and it rarely lasted a full week. Was I really that expensive to keep? Probably. I had to get changed from my preferred clothes into cross-dressing as male clothes, which was a wrench, but doable.

And then word came via e-mail that the Decree Absolute has been granted. This means, under UK law, that we, Tilly and I, are divorced now. That marriage that lasted from 2008 to, well, now, is over.

Pause whilst I read that back again. And then I exhale.

Just now, a further happy thing, someone else new to the support group got into contact to ask if all was well as they had missed me there last night. If that's not a lovely thing then I don't know what is. I've even managed to tie my hair back a bit. Will wonders never cease?

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