Yesterday rather got away from me. So, two parts to this post.
Part One: Getting there
|This was after parking near the centre|
of the city.
Picking the car up, thence to the city centre again, parking a place that the Boy and I found. The idea was that I could use this that evening to go to Pokemon. At this point I was concurrently planning a night at home dressed and a night out playing Pokemon - there was no decision to mix the two. I had resolved to inquire after some make up tutorial in the department store, but I didn't in the end (prices started at £50 for 30 mins, I don't have those kind of funds). However, I did get myself a bag for tights and bras for the washing machine. Then I went and got some shampoo from the refill shop - the real reason for going back into the centre of the city. I also got two more alice bands.
|A curious brick tower used as a stink|
pipe outside a cemetary.
The potential parallels are not lost
At around half five I sneaked out to the car dressed - if not now, then never, right?
Somehow I got away with driving past some boys from up my road, I suspect the glasses, hair band and dress just coded 'woman' to them. I mean, I was wearing a face mask as well - but I ditched that relatively quickly. Then it was just a matter of working out where I was going to park and if I was actually going to go through with it. My ankles were protesting a bit with my 3" wedges, so I opted against the earlier parking spot and went with the closer one by the bus station. Meaning I would have to walk through there.
|What greeted me out of the shower,|
honestly: I didn't choose the combo
because the colours are the
Trans Pride Flag colours.
Into the cafe. Someone I know there was also waiting by the till to pay for the evening, they have ASD too, and though he was clearly trying to place who I was it was obvious that he did not succeed. He gave up and wandered off. I paid, the assistant was lovely - they either knew or they didn't, either way, they were welcoming and effusive, softly spoken. They definitely knew I was en femme even if they didn't know who I was. Until I paid, then they knew. They did not react. Ah, so they knew. I was largely left alone after that. I reached out to the transwoman member of the group, sat with her for a while saying nothing - she had clocked I was not a woman, but took a while to work out who I was - though she did work it out relatively quickly. So much for being unobtrusive. Then one of the owners (I think?) who I had messaged came and sat with us and just chewed the fat as they were on a break. Another regular joined us, chat was had, and it was just chat. Nice chat.
The tournament began. I was invited to sit with a small group, again - they clocked me almost instantly, but they were friendly and polite. I think I know one of them from when I usually go, but she didn't seem to recognise me. And... that was it. I played five games, with different people, three of whom I have met before. Hard to say if any of them connected the person they played against with the person they knew. They absolutely knew they were playing someone en femme.
Part Two: Getting away
Last night I managed to wash the mascara off reasonably easily. I'd had an iced coffee at lunch. The caffeine kept me going, and prevented sleep along with the nervous energy of going out. So why did I do it?
Back a step.
|Only the second picture of me en|
femme not taken by me.
That's the thing - if the Rubicon has truly been crossed as posts have asserted then this was just a matter of time. If not now, then when? Sure, the disguise will have to be re-donned in the future but if this place means anything then it means that action must follow realisation. Authenticity and honesty are why this place was even created in the first place - it follows that steps like this must be taken at some point. Maybe it could have waited for the hair to be longer, for the make-up game to be more effective (more than just mascara) and for the dress-code to be better chosen rather than almost default in fear.
I have long said here: I am fooling nobody when I dress. I am a man in a dress. No matter what else changes I rather suspect that I shall remain such, so getting used to being 'clocked' is going to be something that has to happen.
The whole day was spent in glasses too - like, the whole day. From immediately following shower (and beforehand from getting up) to finally going to bed sometime after midnight. That's certainly a thing. Today has not been the same but changed into my V-neck and black denim skirt for the day. Done some weeding, even risked taking the bin bag out.
|Huh, the whole system is called Thistle Cave.|
I can't find the bit I did on the maps, but it's down
The Boulder Crush was the way out though,
I remember that and feeling very panicky.
Was I foolhardy? Almost certainly.
No, the real impact will be assessed next week. Then how badly damaged the socks and trousers are can be known - perhaps they will never again be usable. It may be worse. Maybe I will turn the wrong way in the cave system and find myself lost underground. Hope the experience is worth it.