And, sure enough, the version to the left here is carefully adjusted to make it hard to search for so I bought into that at some point. I have posted the full image more recently on the blog. But this fed into a feeling that I have long had - that as a representative of a community I must be very careful how I present. It was part of my Christian identification (why I don't ever show my allegiance visually with things on my car or in my clothing) and also as a teacher in public. Furthermore, following December 2017 and my diagnosis as ASD, I have been very conscious of the fact that I represent the ASD community and I have to be very careful what I say or do as people tend to generalise from me. It is fear. And shame.
D is for doing what I want
I is for saying that I can't
S is for somebody you're not
C for don't call me and
O is for oh no
I just thought that maybe the ContraPoints video would be relevant to our interests (and I'm sure you've seen it already and have opinions about it - I have only recently become aware of the channel and the video above was something I only watched last night) and the music video is from 2011(!) and I only found it last night as well but I have no idea how. I might be slightly obsessed with it.
I had a better post planned, honest, but it all got hijacked last night.
Anyway, yes, the juxtaposition of the song lyrics, the ContraPoints video and the memories of the feelings of shame that continue to swirl around me like the waves on the sea between the Hunter's Cabin and the Pale City in Little Nightmares II (I can do pop-culture references) were enough to prompt me to make links and then place them before you here.
|It was always early Spring: rarely sunny, usually|
cold - especially at night
|Hi, inner critic, you've been absent|
for a while. Since 2012 I think. Welcome
back. I think I'm finally seeing you.
I can't watch farce comedy like Fawlty Towers or Clockwork or things like Allo Allo because it is farce, as I used to put it: all of the misunderstandings could be solved if the people involved just said something at the right moment. The fact that they often choose not to solve the misunderstandings, the only explanation for them not doing so, made them maddening for me to watch. The cringe factor was so large and difficult to handle - I felt the embarrassment that the characters did not - that I often had to leave the room. Even now I struggle, I was watching Quantum Leap on my own recently (Series 2, episode 3) and I had to turn it off and go for a walk.
I haven't had a haircut since September 2020 and now knickers are my standard underwear. Every now and again I wear tights because they are comfortable and my legs are finally in need of shaving again. I'm reading books again, having read two (two) in the last month.
Too many links, too late at night, I'm going to go and stew a little more...