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This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 17 February 2021

Pancake Day?

Yes, it's pancake day.

It's pa- pa- pa- pa- pa- pancake day.

On the left as you look at it, I remember
aching to look like that as a child. I even went
so far as to look at a fancy dress costume of
French maid once in Sixth Form.

A couple of times, never bought the costume
of course.
Forgive the indulgence, but since Tilly moved in with me I have cooked no pancakes. Now, I didn't much beforehand - being alone meant that I could never quite muster the enthusiasm - but I had done in 2005 with Toby. In 2006 I was much to alone and depressed and in 2007 Tilly was preparing to move. We agreed that pancake day would be a thing and that we would make pancakes in 2008 instead, something I definitely looked forward to. But it wasn't to be. I bought in the ingredients but Tilly was too full of morning sickness and it was shelved. After that... well, we didn't in 2009 because having a little one proved a bit too difficult, nor in 2010 because Tilly was pregnant again. Nor in 2011, little one, nor 2012 (I was too depressed to bring it up). 2013 it was done, by Tilly for the children, whilst I was at work. I got to do the washing up. Not observed in 2014, 2015 or 2016. But again in 2017 and 2018 it was done around lunchtime with me doing the washing up afterwards. In 2019 it was skipped again. 2020 was the most annoying - again it was done whilst I was at work, with much fanfare on Facebook, but I didn't find out until I got home and had to do the washing up.

This year I had been toying with the idea of doing it myself, and Tilly surprised me by saying that the children didn't actually like pancakes, indeed the last few years they tossed some but ate none, she told me. She was thus aiming for some Scotch pancake decorating on the Tuesday afternoon. I was confused, given our history of it, and so began my own preparations. I got in enough to make some pancakes, took Tilly at face value and assumed the children would help make the mixture, maybe flip one, and I'd eat them. 

More crepe than your standard US style pancake
Well, of course they wanted to eat the pancakes. I had not planned for anyone other than me to eat them, so I only had in sugar and lemon juice (my favourites). But I had some chocolate spread and honey lying around to add to the party. The elder two, for the youngest was not with us, not only enjoyed making the mixture and cooking them (they did not flip, apparently Tilly had put them off that by having only one pre-cooked pancake for flipping photos in 2020, which explains that) but also enjoyed trying out various topping combinations and eating well. I make pancakes the way my family always had - a bit on the large side (the recipe I found offered 14 pancakes, it make just four of the size I am used to, well, remember from my youth - I have the original frying pan). It was fun, we ate well. But it was Monday, not Tuesday - Tilly had already said that she wanted to do some pancake fun with them on the Tuesday.

Alas, not these.

I do have some with
butterflies on though and
I do love them.
Obviously I was reprimanded on the evening when returning children. Tilly reminded me that she had deliberately told me her plans so that, she explained, I wouldn't do pancakes with them - that was what she was going to do. Furthermore, they wouldn't want to do pancakes twice in a row. Also, I was ten minutes late back with them, and now her evening was ruined. It would be over an hour until I got a text saying that I didn't need to be sorry and that things were mostly okay. The fact that the children had expressed excitement at doing pancakes with Tilly as well was neither here nor there. The fact that she had lied about them not liking pancakes was, it seems, irrelevant.

In other news, perhaps more fitting for this blog, I haven't worn boxers very much. I've worn them just six times since the New Year, four of which was in chastity when I was attempting to stop the chafing getting worse (I have three pairs that have a tight pouch like effect). It is most comfortable, and quite nice, something that I have tried before but now there is no guilt. I can wear knickers, wash them, dry them and then wear them again. Fantastic. Something so simple, so apparently harmless, and it's taken a divorce to realise. Oh, yeah, the Decree Nisi comes into effect sometime over the next couple of weeks, then I have to wait six weeks and one day until the Absolute - that's how divorce works here in the UK at any rate.

Awkward curtsy


  1. More examples of fickleness and cruelty. Do you suppose she has borderline disorder? She changes moods so quickly...

    1. I have always tried to steer clear of trying to work out things like that. There is certainly something.

      Tilly met me having been defrauded financially by her mother, she'd just found out that she was ineligible for a credit card because her mother had taken one out in her name and run up thousands of pounds of debt. She revealed to me that she believed that she had been emotilnally abused by her father. Her brother and father were regularly in cells for fighting at home as both were drunk a lot and angry. Her mother was becoming an alcoholic, the police were often round, and she despaired of anything being done. Whilst the family would get angry at her that she wasn't at home and didn't know what it was like.

      Then, over the years, she forgave her mother and father. Her brother started talking to her again. She would visit more and more frequently with the children. They would begin to support her more, trust her decisions and not question what she had to say.

      These days she is very close to her father and her mother. Indeed, her speech on our wedding day was paean of praise to her mother and how much Tilly wanted to emulate her in caring for our daughter. That position has only become more firmly entrenched since then. Contact with her family has only expanded and grown more and more positive.

      Less bipolar and more an association of me with repudiation of a family with whom she has gained rapprochement I think.


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!