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This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 1 May 2016


It's not really a prediction though, is it?

I suspect that I have just puzzled out why we had to 'seriously
consider' the third child question for a third (ha) time. It did
seem to come out of nowhere, and it was after we had stopped
having sex, but came with assurances that our "improved
sex life" would not be harmed.

I think I commented here at the time that there was little
proof of any change. And, given the change in image and
attraction, less sex would be normal. Obviously that little
offensive failed.
I've just worked something out. In the filth and left-over tissues that litter wherever Tilly walks in our bedroom (excuse my bitterness, but I tidied it back over Easter and we're back to square one - Tillly tends to herald this by asking me to move my jacket or tie, then it's gloves off and the bedroom becomes a shit-tip) I found a series of notes. They're Tilly's from the conversations we had around Christmas. One of her notes, and I recall her asking, is under the heading 'worries'. It reads thus: "If can't accept fully, what then?" Basically, as she explained it, what would happen if she did not accept my dressing, if it was too much? Other notes are about how her image of me has been changed (using an article she showed me that was all about husbands who hid their dressing and weren't open, how it would change the wife's perception of the man they married - I pointed out at the time that this wasn't terribly applicable, but she said it mirrored her feelings so I let it slide) and how her attraction would diminish (how?).


I am rather stupid, and I make bad decisions all the time.

The most stupid was when I was taken to a club and I failed to
cope. The bad decision was not letting Tilly dump me for it.

I mean, fine, it was a ridiculous and made up reason, but, and
here's the kicker, I suspect she was right. Why the fuck did I
fight it? What was I thinking? I usually cave. But not then, oh
no, not the time it would have been beneficial.
Remember that I said that if she couldn't accept then we'd have to consider splitting. Now, this was followed within a week by her raising the third child issue. This is a discussion we have had numerous times and it has always ended the same way: I say no. Fast forward to the other morning. Tilly has 'gallantly' stepped down from wanting a third child - she won't be selfish and tear the family apart by going elsewhere, she'll just have to accept that it's not happening - almost her words. The term 'selfish' was prominent and repeated.

Now, how do you suppose this will impact? I rather predict that I shall be asked to give up my dressing, after all, to do anything else would be selfish. And Tilly gave up her desire for a third child. It is similar to the pressure that was brought to bear when she claimed to have given up being bisexual. Which she maintains. If she can give these things up for the good of our relationship then surely I would be wholly unreasonable not to give up my dressing and everything associated with it for the relationship. That's my prediction.

What do we say, maybe the next time I raise the issue? Say... three months?

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!