Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Saturday, 5 March 2016

The Feeling of Losing...


I know that I am in a dip at present. Work is fine, I am avoiding doing more. I have been relieved of the pressure of a female student using me as the first point of contact regarding her Depression - which is nice - this sort of thing can go to odd places and there was the uncomfortable feeling of being an older male teacher with a female student being extra-vulnerable and open. It's... a relief to be out of that situation.

The Girlie was sick. She has since reverted back to her silly behaviour: cue much lying for no reason (salt poured on the floor of the bathroom - she flatly denied it was her despite the fact it was obvious and then rejoiced in the fact that she felt she'd got away with it even when she hadn't; she has started sneaking snack food again because she's insane and thought we wouldn't find the wrappers she dropped by the fridge, rather than in the bin two feet to her left where we wouldn't have found them); arguing and nastiness.

I have been reading about pegging. Because... I have no idea. My ongoing cold has resulted in a scabby nose again, I am somewhat disgusting when ill, and there has been more sweat than normal so that my feet now reek like something died. I can and have spread this to most of the stuff I own. I bought some ale to cheer me up. It did not work. But I have had an ale today.

I am lazy and I am tired and I cannot be bothered. School trips are unorganised. Marking is piling up. Interviews threaten. My colleague on whom I rely a bit has split with colleague with whom was having a relationship. Said ex has now begun whisper campaign against my colleague, which means she is somewhat removed from the productive flow as she attempts to deal with fall-out. Lovely. Mind you, another colleague stated that I was 'compassionate' so... that's nice? It is one of the things I have always claimed to be incapable of so to be told that this was how I was seen and how I acted as a manager was a little unsettling.

Tilly goes from strength to strength - her article got a front cover on a national magazine, she has another ongoing and her book is started. She has started a website collaboration with someone and that is taking off, there may be national newspapers on board! It takes all of her spare time, mind. I am not using my time wisely.

I have had my hair cut, despite wishing it were longer. I have avoided dressing, despite wishing that I did. I haven't worn camis, despite missing the feel of them and the colour. I haven't read since last summer despite saying I am well-read. I have not written since 2013 despite once aspiring to write a novel.

Ah, enough.


  1. :o( Sorry things are so tough at the moment. When down, everything seems worse and its difficult not to spiral. You have friends out here rooting for you who think you are lovely. Take care Jo xxx

  2. I'm with Rhiannon. Everything she said, especially all of it.


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!