Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 27 March 2016

Odd Mood

First and foremost: Happy Easter! If you believe or you don't, a Happy Easter all the same. I believe that we are all loved by my favourite imaginary friend whom I believe created the Universe and so that fact that He died and rose again means something to me about His love for all of us, and so I pass on that love to all of you. You can believe what you like about the wellspring, but I am using it as an opportunity to tell you all that you are loved. So there.

Yeah, sort of this.
Except that I'm in an odd mood. Let me explain. Earlier this week Tilly had a friend over and they ordered some Indian take-out food. As is my job, I went out to collect it (and get myself some tea at the same time). And I was taken aback by the way my inner-critic started taunting traffic for missing me when I crossed the road, or was just plain hurling abuse. Okay, it's been upping its game for some time now, cresting new highs with insults and derogatory language since Christmas, and I've been wobbling for the last couple of months, but I wasn't prepared for the intensity of it. It gave me a headache, and the following day I was torn between telling people and just avoiding conversation altogether. I sort of told a couple of colleagues but also sort of didn't. One of them worked out what I was saying and even asked after me the day afterward but I did the conversational equivalent of running away from the issue.

I did tell Tilly, after her friend had gone. It coincided, alas, with her back playing up and her reverting to needing hot-water bottles in bed to even be comfortable. She was appalled, said something had to be done (but what?) and that was it.

School finished on Thursday, which was nice, and I drank an ale to celebrate. We went to my father's on Friday, which went better than we were expecting, and then to my brother's for my nephew's birthday party. This is the first direct communication we've had with my brother in over a year - yeah, we weren't directly told about the birth of their son - and so we really had to go. That went well too, all things considered, but it did reveal the gulf twixt my brother and I in that we literally no longer had anything to talk about - we know each other so little - and so we barely spoke. No enmity, just nothing to discuss.

Eggs like these. They had Star Monsters and a frog for the Boy
and a glitter fairy globe and a decorated little box for the
Girlie. Gender-stereotyped? Our children? Pshaw, perish the
very thought!
Today has been family time. Easter presents in the morning (we do small things in false eggs) and then the children watched Pokemon (the new obsession) until they had an appointment at the optician's, then lunch, then rolling eggs (my tradition from my place of birth) and then running about in a park before tea and more Pokemon. I got Tilly some flowers on Thursday night, and wine for her gift, changed to creme eggs on Saturday as she'd started the wine on Friday. I got the gifts for the Boy last weekend, Tilly got the Girlie's the same weekend. I bought my own beer - bit like Christmas.

We snuggled a bit last night, my insistence. Apparently I have been the one who is withdrawn and not open. I seem to recall, and maybe I was wrong, that my cold over February was the issue - she pulled back due to the snot and mucus (and I don't blame her). Still, we're now a month later, almost, and there's been nothing. Is this a cause or corollary of my odd mood? Difficulty to say.

The Experience Project has been shut down, a bit, because of the increasing pressure from law-enforcement and anti-Terror legislation whittling away at privacy rights. That sucks, I rather liked the place and it was a good place to discuss sexless marriage with others living through it rather than clutter this place up with my moaning and obsessive date-keeping. For reference, and as an example, we managed eight times since 1 March 2015 - or, if you want a different perspective, seven times in the last year. Another way of putting it is nineteen times since our wedding (or since August 2007, a year before our wedding) - so 19 times in 8.5 years, twice a year. I also haven't dressed in literally a year, since 27 March 2016. This is a little unusual, I think, and certainly the longest break in the history of this blog. For what that is worth. Not sure it's worth much.

No, wait, of course I am wrong. I dressed in November. November. I'm not even six months since then and I've forgotten all about it. I think I may suck.

In stunning style, I am being terribly self-obsessed too, so sorry about that. I'm not sorry enough to actually do anything about it, but sorry enough to draw it to your attention.

Our clocks have all gone forward: it's almost time for bed.


  1. You're right. That's an odd mood. The swearing could a clue to increased... something... but I don't know what. Whatever it is, it's increased. Hmmm...

    1. Yes, definitely increased swearing. There was the standard use of 'c***' though, along with the more normal 't**t' and 'f****er*. Basically, all the terms I know and love, coupled with taunting traffic. Much hmmm.

  2. Odd mood? Sounds more like frustration to me, but what do I know? I think the Dr would prescribe a nice day dressing rather than feel the need and either avoiding it or snatching an hour here and there. :o) Happy Easter to you too (belatedly) x

    1. You might be onto something there you know...


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!