Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Tuesday, 29 April 2014


This isn't pretty.

But the image is.

Beer Review: Draft

I'm feeling down and generally pants. Work is good, I actually have a lot of marking on but the stress is so much lower than it was where I used to work that I'm having a hard time believing that it's all real. In that, there's a member of staff who is most likely leaving (late in the year) but... I don't feel under any pressure. I was asked for a contribution to the SEF (don't ask) and, in my old place, this would have taken weeks and I would have been under continual pressure to deliver and, when I did, I would have been told it wasn't detailed enough or in the wrong format or a whole host of other things. Now? I hand it over, late, and get thanked for the level of detail and clarity!

Nothing has changed at home. Since the last discussion it has been carried through: Tilly refuses most physical contact and has made it clear that anything beyond watching a DVD together is pretty much off the table. We finished Game of Thrones season three and since then have spent evenings apart. She writes her novel and I... waste time alone. Now and again I get snippets of her day. She is not bothered about mine. Sometimes my "yeah" and nods aren't enough to convince her I'm listening. I am, but there's not a lot I can say to her mid-flow.

the following beer review, then, is more a space filler. It's from the holidays.

Friday, 25 April 2014


Just sad at the moment. No real reason,
just that nameless down feeling that comes
from time to time.

Looking at the blogs of others around these
parts tells me that I'm not alone. Is it the
weather? The time of year? A cycle?
So... I haven't been posting. I'd like to say that something tumultuous has occurred, that I have had some form of epiphany. But I haven't, and so that would be a lie. The long and the short of it is simply that I haven't got round to posting anything, that simple. There's plenty of the same sort of stuff going on as there always has been but I've been in a bit of a rut and so haven't felt the compunction to turn it into something that could actually be read.

Mind you, I've had my fair share of 'girly' moments. Like the other night when I went in search of snacks to eat with the DVD and all I really wanted to get was a dress because they were on sale. Or the time that I went for milk and all I really wanted to do was find some pairs of knickers that had flowers on them and get them. Or, indeed, anything floral. Not printed designs, if you see what I mean, but something delicate and flowery and... I have no real way to describe it. It's the same sort of longing I get looking at flowers and wishing that someone would buy me a bouquet. Silly, I know.

Are you not a tad bored at the passive aggressive self-serving ranting? No? Then read on!

Beer Review: Red Shield

Tonight I was simply kicking back and doing very little. Pretty much like every night really and not good for my work rate. There is work to mark, there is always work to mark, and there is a novel to be written but no, instead, I am going to sit and sup some beer that I shall review. That's just how I roll.

So it is that tonight's attempt at edification will spring from the wonderfully traditional looking and, actually, pretty cheap Worthington's Red Shield that I have found in the local place that actually stocks decent real ales in bottles. I know. Who knew?

It hisses with reassuring noises on opening and the bottle has a long neck. Given that this is bottle conditioned I can see what the point of this is - don't want the sediment getting poured accidentally - it's actually rather clever design and adds to the traditional feel of the bottle and thus the ale. It comes CAMRA approved, so that ought to make me happy, and the label is reassuringly free of silliness. Sure enough, the pour is full of carbonation and looks to be making a thick metallic smelling head atop a coppery glowing fizz bucket. Yet this fades and the initial fizz goes with it, leaving that scuzzy looking film of froth that I have come to associate with rather decent beer. In many ways it puts me in mind of the Ruddles County and that's no bad thing.

Aroma is non-descript, a hint of some hops and a base of malt is discernible but beyond that I couldn't say much. Puts me in mind of the beer smell from my youth and from the more recent smell of some of the pubs I've visited since moving house. It does the job, in short, of evoking a pleasant smell of ale and hops without being over powering or it being a major selling point like the Thornbridge stuff or the Single Hop stuff. First sip tells me that the malt base is thin and runny, overlaid with a bare hint of hops and some tangs of yeast that float around in there. The carbonation delivers the punch of the 4.2% ABV and then fades to a coppery aftertaste that is filled with the bittering of hops. The watery nature of this ale isn't the horrid watery slack of Shambles and, instead, is rather complimentary to the overall taste. It's a good sessioning ale.

Enjoy this in quantities and with the assurance that it won't sneak up on you and try to go through your pockets for loose change. It is a sturdy companion to a dining table or just a free evening when there are better things to do. Take off you shoes, your work boots or whatever other footwear you've had on all day, get a sunny spot on a summer evening (or even a winter afternoon) and let the beer take you where it wants to go. Beatrix Potter would thank you for it and so would I.

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Beer Review: Stallion

This was an Easter surprise bought for me by Tilly, who has discovered a lovely treasure trove of actual proper ales that are bottled on sale in our lovely town. Given the pale offerings from our local supermarket and even from the local Co-Op (colour me well surprised) this was a happy find.

This lunchtime, I am able to bring to you thoughts on a completely different type of ale that I have never seen before, though my experience is rather limited, and that is Banks (Barbados) Brewery's Stallion.

The small bottle immediately piques my interest as my limited experience with beers sold in small volume tells me that this could be a good one. It is a stout and, as I am learning, I do rather like my dark and deep ales. The label is an interesting one too, with not too much to say about the contents. A healthy snick upon opening suggests a great deal of carbonation. Yet the pour rapidly shows that this is not the case. There is an immediate strong aroma of malt and chocolate biscuit - like a cheesecake with plenty of cocoa. A big creamy head is formed but it lasts very little time, dissipating before I managed to even get a picture (that isn't mine up there). Very dark colour, near black, puts me in mind of the excellent Libertine that I had Oop North.

The first sip of this attractive 5% ABV dark stout is not disappointing. There is a deep chocolate flavour that compliments the biscuit aroma, rich and thick like a Christmas fruit cake with a biscuit base. The aroma and the taste work well together and I can recommend a glass with a thin enough neck to get the effect. I can't place any hops in this, apart from some bittering toward the end of the taste and in the aftertaste, like cherry actually now as I think about it, but the malt is plenty strong and interesting enough to carry it. There is a pleasant and surprisingly clear aftertaste that puts me in mind of Black Forest Gateaux, though I would prefer this ale to the actual cake.

Enjoy this as a dessert ale, to have alone or with rich and decadent desserts in accompaniment. It is perhaps best suited to the festive season or to late autumn, and is definitely one I shall revisit around that time of year. Alas, I was unable to let this one lie that long as the date on it was July 2014. But I would recommend getting it in for a Christmas do, serve it with proper posh cakes and biscuits, maybe with cheese instead of coffee, and settle in for a long and pleasant evening shooting the breeze and dissecting the Queen's Speech.

Saturday, 19 April 2014


I think I have documented pretty much every aspect of my history now, but it's all over the place and doesn't make for easy reading. So, far be it from me to remain difficult, I thought I'd try putting everything in one place. Not sure if this counts as TMI or not, so I haven't listed it as such, nevertheless, I have included a line break to save the eyes of those visitors who dislike walls of text.

This post will focus on the firsts for cross-dressing, as opposed to the other recent post about relationship things that were firsts. I've actually been planning it for a while but the holidays and ill kiddlies have intervened and so I just haven't got round to it. I have been playing a lot of 1066 though, and maybe something will come of that in time. First I need to finish with my marking.

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Sunday, 13 April 2014

For me?

Well, if ever I needed reminding that I have an invisible friend who I believe created the Universe then the events of the last hour or so are probably good enough.

I am a visitor to the talented Timid Tina's blog that specialises in cross-dressed secretary captions. About a month ago I left a very cheeky request there for quite a specific set of circumstances. Today there was a fulfilment, with some rather nice words, and I noted that another captioner had also tried their hand too!

Click on the images below to go and see the rest of their work!


It's another one of those posts I'm afraid. There's a line break to avoid reading further, as per. It's the holidays, in case my lat post didn't make that blindingly obvious, and I'm already in that place that Tilly tells me is perpetual. The one where I get as angry with the children as she does when she's had a week-long trainwreck except that I do it in about ten minutes. The one where the bickering starts and she gets angry at me. The one, basically, where I'm a tit.

Last night, taking the Boy to bed, I fell asleep and did not rouse until 1am. We had planned to do writing. This morning I have managed to make my Boy so sad that he has started to cry. Go me. Like I say, there's a line break and it's there for a good reason.

What can I say?

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Nights Out

School's out. For Easter. Not quite as iconic as the Alice Cooper song, but it'll do. We had a good day's training, no, really, and much valid work was completed before it was done; then home to make sure the kiddlies were abed and back out for a curry night with the people who can play football.

Alas, I do not look as good.
A generally nice night, all told, though confirmation of a few truths:
1. I am considered the worst player in the group, by some considerable margin (and they're not wrong)
2. At a game a couple of weeks ago I was the reason that one of them got so frustrated they stormed out at the end
3. I am the youngest addition to the group and not really part of any of the smaller mini-cliques
4. Nights out can be really boring when everyone is talking but not to you

See, shyness in males is not
considered alluring or even
acceptable. It was a very male
I can't complain. This is still a step-up, socially, from my old place of work. But in a meal with nine people it is hard to work out precisely how and why I ended up without any conversation for the best part of an hour. I did try to join in conversations but I was somehow tuned out or something, I don't know. No one even noticed when I turned to playing a game on my phone for ten minutes. The isolation was 'ended' by my having a nose-bleed but then continued for another half-hour after that point (making 90 minutes without interaction). It was forcibly ended by the fact that I'd offered a lift to two other people and they had to kind of talk to me on the way to and in the car. I am not terribly well-known, twould appear, which, given my confessional style with students, always takes me by surprise. The students know so much about me I always assume that some of it is leaked to other staff, apparently I am not correct.

Other than that, there's not a great deal to share. I wore knickers for 24 hours just because. It was an interesting experience but no more or less comfortable than wearing them during waking hours. In fact, as noted in another entry, it was better than wearing boxer shorts now that I have put on over a stone and look like a pregnant stick-insect. Certainly, not having to smooth down the legs of my underwear under my trousers in order to avoid uncomfortable bunches and rubbing is a definite plus in favour of wearing briefs designed for women.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Don't Stop Moving

It's been an intense, but positive, couple of days. I have been observed at work, run an interview where I have increased my empire whilst remaining loyal to a colleague who I have grown to really value at work and now I have read two, count 'em, two articles on Cracked (of all places) that I find incredibly challenging. In short, despite not getting all my marking done, it has been a big few days. Oh, and I did my foot in and couldn't walk all Saturday or Sunday. Friends were round, it went well, and despite a lack of bar-crawl a good time was had with Jeremy and family and also Phillip, the Jeremy stand-in friend I had at University. They really are very alike. Though Phillip remains single and profligate while Jeremy is married, with a small child, and really quite wealthy.

So, in short, I can say, with confidence, that I am feeling less shitty than I have been too. It has been a productive few days even if I haven't got all my work done. I mean, I managed to do my lesson that stresses me out (in a good way) to the best of my ability, even if it meant getting bailed out by a sympathetic observer over my shitty marking (I'm crap at making it regular). It was nice. The students really enjoyed it in a way that I've not seen students engage with since... oooh, about 2005. I think it shall be a day long remembered, which, given the nature of it, is good. Then, today, we had interviews which were relaxed, and professional, throughout. At the end of the day I was able to fight the corner of my colleague and gain a really enthusiastic excellent new teacher on my staff at the same time. Yay! It was a very positive experience and I feel no guilt nor regret at any of it. Yay! And my colleague is happy and gets to stay! Yay! Okay, I remain a very selfish person.

And, like I said, there are a bunch of articles that you need to read:

A Man in a Grocery Store - fighting the patriarchy
A blog relevant to our interests. Politically astute and socially powerful.

A Cracked article: why men hate women.
Glasgow, Socialism and modern gentrification. Emo-porn.

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Fats and Sports

Today's posting from the depths of my brain will be focussing very much on my current weight gain issues (I know, I know, hardly an issue but a stone in three months is slightly perturbing - I am starting from a low ebb) and the means I have chosen to combat this (exercise, it's not like I'm eating any more than I was this time last year, I'm just less stressed).

However, as if to prove that sports are bad for you my weekly prancing about trying to play football has resulted in my ankle getting buggered. So I'm resting up and being a bit shit at helping around the house. Given that we have company later today this is doubly annoying. I know I'm lazy most of the time but this enforced sitting about does rather show up how little I normally do.

Finally, there may be yet more TMI, hence my line break here. In truth, I've probably said everything you want to know right here already.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

The Great Comparison

So, after yesterday's post, I started to think about the fact that I spent the day as I had and then, inevitably, compared it to my day today. After I posted last night there was an altercation in my household and after it Tilly was trying too hard to be nice. I'm not complaining about Tilly being nice but I find it suspicious and don't know what to do about it. Still tired and ill. I, on the other hand, am just tired.

I have been reminded of Robert Miles's Dreamland too as being an album that accompanied me a great deal back in 1997 (by dint of it being recorded onto cassette for me by a friend of mine). Along with EBTG's Missing it formed a huge part of my early forays into bondage and cross-dressing.

In case it wasn't obvious, tonight's post will be another TMI post but centred on events yesterday and today and the various pros and cons in choices of ones most intimate of intimates (and from what I'm looking at, intimate is this stud-muffin's middle name).

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Ancient History

This post is a bit of a nothing post. I could have posted it at any point in the life of this blog or at any point in the future. For very unclear and undefined reasons I am writing it tonight. It deals with my personal history of relationships, physical milestones and other tangentially interesting minutiae that you could just as easily skip and not read.

I guess it goes under the TMI file so be warned.