Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Friday, 18 October 2013

I met a man with too many faces...

The mask I wear is one.

Who doesn't want to learn the cleaning trade from a master
of it and wear a kick-ass choker whilst doing so, huh?
Internet has returned to our abode and we have full access again. I have my laptop connected and can type more effectively. Excellent. Tilly and I have watched Leon this evening, one of the odder films in my collection, and shared a takeout. We took the children to the local fair this week too, which was different, and they had their first candy-floss and I had my first taste of the local delicacies in the area. Last night I was out with people from my new place of work at a local curry house and I found that I have become a bit of a curry snob. I'm used to proper sub-continental/English variations as homegrown but what we got was... well, it was a pale imitation of what I have become used to. Nice enough, but not worth the prices they were asking and no amount of talking up by new colleagues would change that.

If only I could look so friendly and inviting.
I should point out that I didn't exactly say that. Like I say, it was nice enough.

But it turns out that I have rather missed this place to sound off. I have missed the feeling of connection I get from reading the blogs of the community, all of you good and kind people, and missed the camaraderie that pervades this community. I am also blushing furiously because I was able to comment to someone in need of support and kindness, and definitely deserving of it, and found that I was no stranger and that this blog was read regularly. So, hi Rhiannon, glad to have you here!

Why not?
Also, there are shout outs to Dee and Leslie who have commented in my elongated moving absence. Both of whom offered pertinent advice and points to one of my laments. I can say categorically that I know of no physical issues with climaxing, I can do it on my own perfectly well and pain free, but it may be an avenue to consider if nothing changes. As for incompatibility... I'm still not sure I'm convinced. Most cases I know of tend to be about one or both people in a relationship refusing to co-operate and learn about the other's needs, wants and desires.

I lol'd. I'm Cancer. Guess with which I
actually identify.
It's less a lack of belief in incompatibility as it is a lack of belief in compatibility. That is, all humans can sexually compatible with all other humans, but they must learn to respond to that other human being. Both in a sexual and emotional fashion - humans that respond to one another can learn one another's responses and thus fine-tune their own ability to deal with and understand those responses. Over time people thus become compatible rather than starting out that way or being unable to be compatible. Everything is a choice somewhere along the line. Now, I'm not suggesting that everyone recognises the choice or even, if they do, feel that they are able to make any choices. I get that. However, the lack of willingness to entertain some options doesn't actually change the fact that the options exist. For example, I consider myself to be strongly heterosexual but that doesn't mean there is no choice for me to be homosexual, just that I don't really want to make that particular choice. My decision does not imply that the choice does not exist. Even if I can't foresee any way in which it would become a choice I would consider (I believe men to be sweaty, smelly, plodding things; I understand straight women and gay men less and less the more I think about it - I get why women are interesting).

See, happy teacher.
Now, I had a dream where I had long hair recently...
My job is a good one. I am daily more glad that I moved from my last place to my new one. There are politics, issues, back-biting and the crappy stuff all over the place, but this is normal. It is low key. The place has problems, it runs... well, it isn't terribly logical in many places. But these are all fine. I love the fact that I can bitch and moan with others there without being bitter and without any of it carrying the faint smell of redundancy or mistrust. Sure, there are staff that dislike one another and there are the usual office politics, but it's... refreshing and clear after the last three years at least. I'm enjoying it and so far the positive far outweighs the negative.

Oh yes, to own this set of clothes.
I love how the same pair of shoes is used with each outfit
and doesn't look out of place in any of them.
I think I may have more of a shoe fetish than I
My wardrobe has been unpacked. After the lovely time in the holiday cottage alone, with access to it every evening, it was all in one place; after that, it is odd to once again know that I have hidden the top, floaty skirt and dress in the drawers in the bedroom and the underwear, blouse and shoes in my old wardrobe in the spare room. Despite being up fairly early most mornings I haven't trusted our children not to wake enough to wear the boots, but I know it's just a matter of time. The lack of space to dress has meant that while I ogle the clothes on offer in the charity shops, I have my eye on a blouse in one, and the ones in the supermarket I have yet to bite the bullet and actually add to my wardrobe. It seems a tad wasteful given the situation. As predicted, Tilly and I have not had a discussion about this or anything else since the move.

They have nice hats, doncha think?
I love the fact that the daughter, like mine,
undermines the shot and the pose with a
simple look.
Speaking of which, Tilly is very much enamoured with the place we have moved to. She enjoys the size of the house and the fact that much is within walking distance in a way that it was not where we were before. The Girlie is calmer now that she has made a friend, though remains hugely on edge and generally irritating. She and I have spoken properly about the incident where I smacked her, she has shown me what happened and talked through it and we hugged and I explained that I was wrong to do that and told her what should have happened. She has forgiven me (we talked about forgiveness ages back because I thought she needed to understand the concept, I use it to help her get past doing things that make her feel guilty - if she is forgiven she feels less guilty, it's a trick I never learned and so I'm keen that she succeeds where I have failed) and we have agreed to move past it. For a five year old she is remarkably good at ordering things and dealing with them. She has been 'better' since that talk and less angry and sad all the time. Turns out the incident affected her quite deeply. But yes, she has made a friend. The Boy remains the same as ever, he misses his old garden but, apart from that, he is very happy here too. He loves having his own space and somewhere to have his train set out without having to pack it all away if he wants to play with anything else.

In short, I am a glad to be back on the internet. Glad to be blogging again, hopefully semi-regularly, and glad for the opportunity to comment properly elsewhere.  *curtsey*


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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!