Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the "Story So Far" Page above this and the "New Readers" tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Stop! Hammer Time!

So I'm still spending, like, loads of time over at Google+ and I'm spending more and more time on the chat thing, where there's this one guy I chat to quite often. Anyway, I find myself increasingly using Joanna's responses rather than my own.

Except this time, she's me.
Let me explain, I post on Google+ pretty much as me but with a female moniker, the one I use here, and so far this has led most people to treat me as a female. It astounds me how much people assume based on the female name and profile pic. I post the same way on my primary (and very male) account and people often assume that I'm being combative or insincere. However, with a female pic I am assumed to be sincere and friendly all the time. Even when I post what I would consider 'manly' things. The 'feminine' things posted on the primary account as a male are often ignored or just commented on in passing. Indeed, the primary account was rejected as a circle by one woman because of my strap line when the Joanna account was accepted with the same strap line. It's all very interesting. Equally, in debates, the Joanna account is frequently disparaged or ignored by males whereas the primary account is generally accepted and argued with on an even footing by males and females.

Nowhere has this been more apparent than in arguments about feminism, where my primary male account tends not to get much attention from either side but Joanna gets attention from both sides of the debate, in terms of support from females and attacking from males, for saying exactly the same things. Fascinating!

In chat, however, I am aware that Joanna has things to say too. In some posts too. There are times when I find myself using 'totes' or 'like' or 'sooooo' where I wouldn't normally. It just... flows, I guess? Also, like here just now, I find myself being a little more, I dunno... Flighty?  My usual precise prose descends into a more... open style. I find that I back down more, I defer to others more as Joanna than I do on the primary account. I'll still argue but it's like Joanna likes conflict less than I do. And, it seems, she's flirty.

It's odd. Joanna does not conform to what I would have associated with women, that is, the responses that seem to be 'hers' more than 'mine' aren't my idealised version of femininity - she's me after all and shares everything I have. She has the same views as me, obviously, and apart from a few stylistic differences she argues like I do. I mean, she's me, I am her, that follows. But on chat... I dunno, it's like she wants to flirt more. With men, women, everyone. And, here's the kicker, she's more successful than I've ever been.

It is something to note. I have no idea what to analyse here. I always said I was more honest on this blog and now the Joanna identity has gone elsewhere I guess I'm being more honest there too. After all, the audience is entirely people who don't know me and so I can do what I like without fear of any personal repercussion. And it appears that flirting is my last great taboo.

But not hers.

Joanna xx


  1. I think the more time that we spend as our alter ego, the more we find out about ourselves. I actually expected 'Caitlyn' to be far more flirty and sexually aggressive than I was online, but that just isn't the case.

    and while Caitlyn has turned out more like 'me', I'm actually picking up on something that I thought of as purely Caitlyn in the real world.

    For example, I often greet people with 'Hello' or the time appropriate version of 'Good Morning'. Caitlyn tended to say 'Hiya'. But now after wearing her mask so often, I find myself saying 'Hiya' to people in real life. And it's been noticed as something different from my friends.

    Maybe in the end you'll find a 'new' you. Someone in between your masculine identity and your female persona.

    1. I thought of you when talking about this!

      And yes, you're right, of course: it's all a journey. I'm just amazed because, well, earlier on this very blog I think I argued that there wasn't another persona, only me. To see differences in how I operate online under different masks was surprising I suppose.

      A 'new me' sounds rather interesting actually.

      Thank you!


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!