It arrived, however, whilst I was out. Tilly was suspicious of the parcel and checked the return address - it was a fancy-dress shop in Leeds. She angrily texted me to say she knew it wasn't school supplies but no further details. When I returned (I'd been out with the youngest) she launched into a diatribe about being lied to. She did not reveal how she knew, nor where the parcel was, for twenty or so minutes. That was hard. I mean, how much did I tell her? How much did she know? How much did she not want to know? She told me, after a while, that she had no desire to know what was in the parcel, none. She simply didn't like the fact that I'd warned her a parcel would be arriving that would need signing for and that I'd said it was school supplies.
Less finger pointing but same eyes.
You must understand that my eyes flash too. And I am
irritating in that I tend to react differently to normal input.
I didn't have a lot to say in return. I asked if she wanted to know what was in the parcel, she said no. I confirmed it was not school supplies and that I didn't know why a fancy dress place in Leeds was on the label (I don't). She said it was about trust. I pointed out that she had googled the return address. Not valid, she shot back, she was already certain something was going on from the way I mentioned the parcel the previous day. Had I said nothing, she said, she would not have checked. I pointed out that she would have asked and that lies would still have happened. Try harder, was her response. So, in essence: don't lie but try harder when you do. Right, good, glad that was clear.
|Not a shit live-in au pair. Probably a very good one if that arm|
round the shoulders is anything to go by.
What is she afraid of losing? Well, she is perfectly happy with the way things are. With me as a kind of shit live-in au pair that works for free and provides some money whilst doing some of the chores. Tilly wanted to stress how good things had been in the last week (she was referring to the weekend and Monday, one assumes), she'd forgotten the angry start to Monday I think. I was going to give the family a lift into the city because the elder two had a drumming club. Tilly, being grumpy in the morning, got snappy. I tried to get details and she ended up getting angry and blaming the children being slow and the fact that she couldn't remember times on me. If she didn't have to organise me then she'd be better off. If I took them in to town I'd only stress her out by not knowing where I was going or where I was parking or the traffic or whatever. In the end I had snapped back that I'd keep out of her way if she liked.
|Not any more.|
Today was an exercise in us not interacting much. Tilly had stopped being on her best behaviour. I have stopped wearing knickers (Tilly does not know or care, this is purely because I can't any more given the argument yesterday). I took the smallest for a walk and some shopping whilst Tilly took the eldest two to the cinema; then we switched while Tilly paid for the smallest's upcoming Christening (the after-party, not the service); then we switched again while Tilly cooked tea and then switched back so I could eat and Tilly could bathe smallest and hit the sack. Tilly is now working on an article and smallest is asleep. Tomorrow will be similar, I suspect. I'm the live-in baby-sitter on holidays.
|Can you imagine?|
Diving into work in the last fortnight before breaking up I spent most mornings crying to songs.