|Bear in mind the history of results.|
Pun intended, but not funny.
He asked who had referred me to get diagnosed, only people with problems and issues get referred, he said. I said I'd put myself forward and waited thirty months. He was taken aback. What problems was I suffering that I would do that? I said, politely and in different words, that it was none of his business, thank you, and no, it wasn't because I was suffering problems.
Secondly, the weeks leading to this. I saw my therapist and said it was the last time. I was not in a good place. I believe that it is called suicidal ideation. Again, standard, I am not going to top myself, but I wouldn't mind being dead.
|I already owned these.|
The reading she's been doing on ASD suggested that ASD people say they are truthful but "wouldn't know truth if it punched them in the face" and lied to manipulate. Many ASD partners watch porn, have affairs and cheat on their partners. They are too open with others, she reminded me of having to tell me what I wasn't allowed to share with my mother over the phone and an e-mail I sent a friend about a dream sometime in 2006 that she considered was too much detail and tantamount to propositioning (a dream where she claims I told a female I knew that we were about to have sex - if it's the one I think it is, I was sharing a dream in which we were getting married but I ran off with Tilly instead). Basically, this was manipulation and whether or not that was my intention was irrelevant, it was how she felt and I had to be aware of that. No, she wasn't going to walk back The Concession, but she did feel that she had been duped and misled about it and that I had done it deliberately. Oh, and she added that she would continue switching violently between "yes, that's reasonable" and "no, that's disgusting" vis a vis my choice of underwear - tis the lot of the partner of a cross-dresser.
|Apparently both. Hurrah!|
Not a child though.
I wish I had never sought a diagnosis. It has not brought any of the positives I thought it would and brought all the negatives I feared and more.
Behind in work again, moreso than I can recall ever being, and, frankly, getting less and less motivated. I can't do anything other than teach, job-wise, and the events of the last few weeks prove my time is limited, my days numbered.