Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 17 May 2017


Godwin invoked.

Does this make me Alt-Left?
Not sure that I ever posted much about my aborted attempt at a novel on this blog. It was on my literary blog. I may have mentioned that the main character of that novel actually became more than my usual textual musings on humanity and how it relates and took on a loife all their own in ways that I didn't see coming. I was happily ripping off Hitler: the Rise of Evil when the protagonist decided that they could quite happily be a leader without being divorced and without being evil. Rather, they had their own agenda. And then, because I suck at writing, all went quiet. That was years ago.

One of the oddities of the current General Election campaign in the UK at the moment is the number of people I speak to who seem to be basing decisions on the oddest of factors. At least, to me they are odd factors. Emotional renditions of the unknowable and disparaging any attempt to bring in sober reflection as being 'pie in the sky' or, worse, as being the very dream-like lying that they then reveal as the stand-in for sober reflection. It's bizarre, it's other-worldly, and it appears to actually be working. By turns I am angry, saddened and terrified.

I can't imagine that the Zanu-PF would be terribly nice to
a white cross-dressing British schmuck...
My online life, as evidenced by the existence of this blog, is the sort of life that would destroy me professionally and probably personally as well. I make no bones about that. My self-destructive side would quite like for it to become a reality too, because then it all goes up in smoke. That is not the point of this post. Anyway, yes, the pictures and opinions on here pretty much exclude me from any political ambition anywhere in the developed world I would imagine. And, selfish git that I am, I'm not sure I fancy my chances in LEDCs either.

But it all came together on the way home from work today, listening to Unstoppable by Sia about putting on armour. She means make-up and going out drinking as a means to avoid showing her true self - the lyrics make that one pretty clear. But what if that were just the start? My protagonist popped up to inform me that he would likely serve another leader, a woman, and that he would deal with security and enforcement. He would be an aware Himmler to a less self-aware Hitler and he would likely take his revenge on the Dandies from the earlier portion of the book. He would burn out all that he had abandoned about himself from society around him with a twisted grin of one who sees the purification of the self in the destruction of those around him. What if Sia was putting on armour by adopting a salute and a uniform?

Speaks for itself.
But what if they don't salute or offer a salute? What if the militarisation on the back of victimisation of the majority was less about war and more about defence of culture? Without the uniforms and salutes one is left with slogans. My protagonist suggested "Zu Ende!" - "to the end" which works in both languages. And around us we have those too, the slogans that speak of danger and fear "strong and stable" and encourage the majority to view themselves as a whipped minority. After all, real persecution doesn't exist so anyone who says that they suffer issues are lying and gaming the system so the majority can do that too.

I spoke to a teaching colleague in training. I was ranting about one of my newest bug-bears - people who say "I'm a bit autistic too, we're all on the spectrum" and then follow it with "autism doesn't really exist anyway, it's just an excuse". The colleague said "oh, I agree with you!" But they'd misunderstood, they revealed that they really didn't think autism existed. After all, he said (yes, twas a he), we're all on the spectrum and all human behaviour is slightly 'autistic' to the point where people who claim to be affected are just moaning. I was got a bit angry. I pointed out that I was, he was not, and that I had two autistic children. I said "there's a bit of a difference between actually being autistic and people with things they do that they joke about being autistic". He did not speak to me again in the next two hours. I worry about that. My righteous indignation (suffered a hit/and my photon accelerator's broken a bit) wasn't and I think I came across as the sort of dick that would merely confirm this scientist's (yes, he teaches Biology) opinion.

Many colleagues are happy with voting against education this election, I have discovered, with the excuse that, yes, if their preferred candidate wins then education is fucked but at least we'll have proper leadership. They actually justify their opinions with the idea that the leader of another party is a bit of a dick and won't ever win or he has questions to answer on security or he's bringing back the 1970s. This is why I say it's different actually being AS rather than simply joking about it - the dichotomy is bridged by the sort of flexible thinking that holds no internal logic, like the news I regularly have to turn off, because it actually gives me a headache and stops me sleeping. It causes me pain to try to follow the mental gymnastics. But NT people, even if they don't agree, can not only follow it but empathise and say things like "you can see where they're coming from" whilst agreeing that it makes no sense" but "does in a way, you know?"

No. I don't.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!