|See, because I'm not having beer and I don't understand people|
and I often end stood or sat like a lemon and she's a woman in
a lemon dress. It's funny.
No beer until after the birth. Not self-imposed but imposed by Tilly because I may have to drive to the hospital and I need to be on point for that, fair enough. However, if we go in the night then I won't have to drive because I can't then drive home after being up all night - or Tilly wouldn't feel safe with me trying - and so we'll get a taxi there and back. After all, can't leave the car parked by the hospital (not to mention the parking charges), and there will have to be around a two hour wait for the doula to get here from another city first anyway unless there's an emergency. I have so many beers at work, so this is a real problem. Luckily I can't drink beer at home in the evening now either because of the driving that I won't do in the night.
|Oh, hello, what a lovely dress.|
No chance of ever being able to wear such a pretty thing
and so it makes for a safe fantasy that, I hope, does not
objectify women or perpetuate the horrors of pron in the
way that most of the images I post do.
I am very lucky though because whilst I am not really able to have beer (and I shouldn't really have been having it over the last two weeks, strictly speaking, because birth can happen at any time now) Tilly has been invited out to see a film with a friend and she really fancies seeing it. We can't go out together to see a film because we don't know anyone that can come over and look after the children and we already used our one contact to look after the Girlie whilst the Boy went for a blood test (to do with his diagnosis for ASD) today. So, you see, I got to go out to the pub on the Friday when my mother was coming up and then to go out with my mother's husband to the pub on the afternoon of the following Saturday. It's only fair that Tilly gets to go out with her friends like she did on the Friday night every now and again and go and see a film.
Unless I waited too long and then what would be the point anyway, right?
After all, I am the one with the problem, both the depression and the AS, so she's totally happy with the way things are and so I need the therapy, not her. And she'd be totally up for couples' therapy, where did I ever get the idea that she wasn't? When? Oh, well, not any time soon because there's no way to get anyone to look after the children. And certainly not on a night when she has to work on the book. Well, okay then, not whilst she has a book to work on. And yes, she did once say that she wasn't up for couples' therapy because ultimately it is me who is unhappy and needs fixing, not her. And no, she wouldn't have much to say at a therapy session, I'd have to explain how I thought it would help. You know, couples' therapy probably wouldn't help, but if I think it would be helpful to have Tilly there then we'd have to arrange it. But no, she doesn't think it'll do anything. When did she ever say it would?
I feel like a lemon - bitter and oddly shaped.