|No, not at all, but look at those shoes. And the dresses. *sigh*|
I ought to be writing a post up for my blog about beer.
|First pub, first ale, it's a stout.|
Always a dangerous game to play as the stouts
are generally the best ales. How to follow up?
Ah, no, more explanation required. Tilly had booked in someone to come and help declutter the house. Not because we need someone to do that but because a friend is setting up a business based on that (so achingly middle-class) and they bring their daughter for ours to play with. Basically Tilly is happy to pay her friend a nominal fee, call what she does work and they both have a sweary time together that is mutually beneficial and happy. Much like my friend and I heading out to pubs and me buying in rounds, I guess, so that probably explains that one.
|Clearly, by going to another pub and having|
a golden ale suited to the summer in the
middle of a heavy downpour whilst discussing
I mean, obvs!
However, I am not updating my beer blog with my thoughts on the ales that were imbibed and I feel that I should be because the weeks ahead will be busy and the ales will no longer be anywhere where people can have them. I suppose that calls into question the point of the blog about beer - the point could be about me sharing my thoughts or about me trying to help others with their choices on ale, either way, the purpose is not served well by my writing this blog rather than the other one and yet that is what I am not doing. Of course and quelle fucking surprise. Which is a delightful variation on a phrase I over-use that I must use more often.
Point, what? Oh, yeah, I had a point.
First and foremost there is the over-thinking aspect of my potential (and just unconfirmed) Asperger's. I have been amazed in my reading to discover that NTs don't have their brains turned on for full analysis all the time. I mean, I knew that people tended not to think about things to the same level as me but I did not realise that literally no one who was NT thought about any given thing nearly as much as I have to in order to stay sane. More to the point, most NT people tend not to be thinking about things nor turning them over in their heads all the time in order to reach a clearer understanding or for any other reason. Now, this revelation was not had in my discussions on Saturday night but the ramifications of that were discussed and did become apparent in the way I approach the recent news and where that leads. I cannot turn off my thoughts on over-population, environmentalism, society and how Tilly and I interact. I can weather them, but I cannot turn them off. I guess an NT would call the turning off something like 'moving on'. Simply put, I am going to struggle.
This is why, at University, I spent most of my time pushing on the bondage front (self) rather than the cross-dressing front (which you could argue was more pressing). Bondage is socially accepted as a fetish and a 'thing' whereas cross-dressing, at least the way I do it, is less so. Now, bear in mind that trans was becoming a thing and there were some movements around the place on that score - I did not immediately recognise what I was doing as being part of that umbrella because I did not know the term and assumed, therefore, that it did not apply to me. Thus I wasted many years where I could have been defining my own masculinity and identity on fighting those very urges. One of the conversations that was had on Saturday was all about identity and masculinity and the pressure to conform one's identity to one's masculinity or femininity. And, in the course of that, I came to the conclusion that I, perhaps through autism, have essentially decided that if we get to define what being grown up means now that we're the grown ups then it means we also get to define what masculinity and femininity are too.
|See, would have that hairstyle and that face.|
It looks great.
Now, is that a woman or a man in the image?
I suspect I know, but how can one tell?
The third and final set of thoughts was when my friend raised the oddity of having tease and denial as a fetish, along with the idea of masturbating to chastity. That is, getting off on being unable to get off. It is something of a paradox and something that is thus a little strange. By this point in the evening, on our sixth half pint, I confess that although I realised it was directed at some of the things that I have said on here I opted for evasion rather than frank honesty. Come the morning, and sober reflection, I realise that this was somewhat disingenuous on my part and unfair given the frank nature of the discussions we were having. No, it is strange, and yet it is alluring. It plays into that whole thing of the magic pill - the thing that allows us to lose control and thus absolve responsibility and blame in case things go wrong. Be in hypnosis, magical captions or technology and conditioning, the literature and captioning on TG tends to hit this one hard. It's as if many people, mainly males struggling to come to terms of with Default Man masculinity and its ubiquity, want something that will allow them to step outside of themselves and and their desires to 'let them have their way' and thus cry innocence... later. This even chimes with femdom and all that this entails. And it makes a great deal of sense, in that context, to get off on the thought of being unable to get off as it fetishises the concept of loss of control and power over something that, by dint of masturbating to it, is pretty damn' fundamental.
|Aaaand, we're back here again.|
Fitting? Well, I should hope so or
it's going to chafe that willy.
Yes, I am quoting Robin Hood: Men in
Tights, so? You have some kind of
problem with that?
This feeds back into that discussion on identity and masculinity and this is why I feel it is worth the over-thinking treatment.
The curry was really nice though and the whole night, curry included, came to the price I paid for the curry at the beer festival I went to a fortnight or so ago. That is something that pleases my tight as a duck's arse style of budgeting.