Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Tuesday, 20 September 2016


Tilly may not agree, so it's not quite as fully as the graphic
would otherwise indicate, but this is pretty close to my
feelings on the matter.

Maybe with more swearing.

Strangely, not encouraged when announcing pregnancy.
It is now official, we have announced it on the Book of Faces following a scan that showed a growing (and rather active) mini-person: Tilly is pregnant. A third child is on the way and there's no going back nor denial of the situation. It is time to prepare for the inevitable. I mean, I've known this for quite a while and have started planning for it already. I'd argue that I have a plan from back when it was brought up as an option and I said no: I am under no illusions and kinda suspected that, as usual, my own thoughts on the matter would have little bearing on the reality. However, now Tilly has also accepted that she is actually having a child. She is, of course, very excited about it all. She'd already stolen a march on me by the "wanting a child but not yet" thing, but now she's sufficiently far advanced that I must seem quite churlish by comparison. Telling people at work was difficult.

Illustrative of a feeling I guess.

In this case not sought nor enjoyed.
Harry was enthusiastic and made many jokes that were designed to be at my expense in a sort of supportive fashion and would have been fine if I were remotely into the concept of having a baby. Harry was thus surprised to learn that I was not remotely up for it. I had to reveal this because I was getting tired of the 'jokes' about having three and having hands full etc. Yes, these probably work well with neuro-typicals who want children or with NTs who don't but can lie effectively about how they feel. I cannot. Alice was also supportive but in a more subdued way, I can cope with that. With everyone else I'm playing the in-out game: I pop in, tell them the news, listen to the coo-ing and the smiles and then fuck off before I'm asked to comment further. The joy of teaching means that there's always something more important that I can be doing than talking shit about having children. And, male privilege, it is assumed I don't want to talk family. I can play to that narrative to mask my actual feelings, turns out I'm good at that.

I've had Scroobius Pip in my head for a while now and he remains there despite new Pet Shop Boy B-sides dropping recently on YouTube and a new obsession with watching people playing Totally Accurate Battle Simulator. I am up to date with my work things, in a way I was totally not this time last year, and I am continuing to imbibe and enjoy ale in a way that I wasn't last year too. I recently went to that beer festival I referenced in my last post and that went very well indeed.

The lovely chilli infused red ale from
Siren Craft Brewing Company in the gigantic
tipi. It was really very nice before lunch.

I had the Ace of Citra from Brewdog to
accompany my pork and beef burger.
It was up where I used to live, I sampled some twelve ales (in thirds) and enjoyed the vast majority. I like stouts rather a lot, apparently, and a US brewery called Founders made a really good Imperial Stout at 10.5% ABV - lovely and thick and creamy. I highly recommend it if you see it. And there was a really good chilli infused red ale too, very much my kinda thing. It ought not to have worked, being a bit strong on the spice side and thus far from thirst quenching, but it really did and it wasn't that I was drunk or too far gone to notice. It just actually worked. Which was nice. There was some kerfuffle with a sensor telling me I had a puncture when I didn't but that was pretty minor and I had a good chat on the way home whilst charging with other EV owners - something I had heard happened but have never experienced - and that was really nice. Once again I ruminated on the fact that I could have taken a nightie and no one would have noticed or cared but I didn't because I am me and I don't do that sort of thing.

There's some really good sartorial reviews, if you want to know that sort of thing, published at a blog I have discovered called Project Shandy (there is some meta-connection that my good friend will know but it is sufficiently removed that I don't mind sharing the link here for people who like a well-written look at clothing for people who like expressive clothes). The recent posts on jackets and skirts have made for interesting reading actually and I am not ashamed to admit that. Not even on the usual "ooh, that would be titillating to wear" front either - I realise that I do just like the clothes, you know?

Hello, an animated picture of some ale I
like. But I recommend it. Worth a pop!

Very grapefruit and peach. Very worth it. 6.5%
My family have reacted in ways that have been predicted for the most part to the news above, but not entirely. Twas my Father that pushed most for division on whether or not we were planning a third, my Mother seemed quite excited (after she'd shown me her new car, the wonders of video phones) but, as Tilly pointed out, if my Mother is the source of the autism that makes sense. Her husband is currently winning in the number of grandchildren box and this gives her something new to talk about that is relatively positive. My Father is still smarting from when we told his wife first about our second - something he considered insensitive. It was revealed about three years later that this was because of the still-born baby his wife had had with him some five years previously about which he had told me nothing until the point three years after we'd announced our second. So, insensitive because I broached birth with someone still grieving over an event that I had never been told had happened, because that is how my Father operates. For those keeping score, he's the NT one. I often, these days, say I don't understand neuro-typical people, this is the sort of thing that makes me say that. So, yes, he was less enthusiastic and I can't totally blame him, trying to play nice and in-out with family is harder than with work because I don't have immediately pressing tasks to be getting on with or a way to politely fuck off from the conversation having dropped the news like a time bomb.

There's not a lot else to relate at the moment. Things are mostly positive, mostly. Some underlying issues but they are underlying, which is a change, and even Tilly seems mostly happy.


  1. Good for you! I wasn't even aware that the two of you were having regular sex again. That didn't come out right. I wasn't aware that the two of you were having intercourse at regular intervals of time of more than a few times per year. I guess I missed a few posts of yours in the last 6-8 months.

    1. You missed nothing. There was a thaw of sorts back in May-June and that's when it happened. Standard stuff for intercourse in this relationship. I should have called it back then, actually, but did not. We've yet to break five times in a single year since we were married.

  2. Jo, I admit that I pointedly said nothing when you announced the pregnancy. I didn't sense any pleasure in the news, and I had nothing positive to say. I don't feel great about that, but...

    It sounds like you are enduring it well so far, staying up on work and all. Stiff upper lip, right? I do hope it goes well, and you have better support from your wife this time around.

    Wishing you the best, really,

    1. I'm not sure what could be said, to be honest. Thank you for the wishes, they do mean a lot, and yes, it's all about that lip remaining very stiff. Tilly is trying, she is, but there is a practical limit to what she can achieve.

      In short, thank you, and don't feel too bad about saying nothing!



All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!