|This isn't it, but it's the closest I could|
find. I now own a skater dress in these
I also seem to have surfaced a little bit from the deep dark hole I've been in since sometime around last summer. I'm not totally out, of course, but I am actually doing things again. I did some work recently and I even planned ahead. Two mornings in a row now I have woken and risen from bed with my alarm and got into work at approaching the time I would like. Still a bit later, but closer than I have been since Christmas. I've even made three new lessons. I made some new lessons! I like making lessons, it is fun, and I haven't really done it properly in ages, so that was nice.
Ale has been drunk and reviewed, again, and that is nice too. I feel like I have a hobby again. It may close to addictive behaviour, maybe, but I suspect it's harmless for the moment, provided I don't go mad. I've even stopped eating so much junk so that my flab has stopped exponentially increasing. I mean, it isn't in retreat yet, but it has at least stopped expanding. Also, I read this comic, worth a look.
A while ago now, it seems, I was taken to task, rightly so, on my apparent relationship with Tilly. I had much to mull over. What follows after the line-break, then, is the result of that mulling.
|Yep, that all makes sense.|
|Being a good aspie I pushed to go to the barefoot walk then|
freaked out and didn't do it.
The Girlie went around it ten times.
|They're like rubber.|
However, let's indulge that aspie part of me that wants to blame Tilly for the ills in our relationship and assume that it is mostly her fault. What do we do then? It is already very obvious that people don't change much and that fundamental change is a glacially slow process that may never yield a result. I therefore posit that changing Tilly's responses and behaviours is virtually impossible.
|Close enough to what I bought.|
They're pretty, yes?
So, let us assume that none of this will change and that it's all Tilly's fault, what are my options?
|Yeah... no. I may have issues from when my parents split up.|
Not sure I could ever actually do that to my own children.
I could significantly change my own behaviours to try and be what it was that Tilly found attractive in the first place - I have tried this to some degree but a combination of my own inability to understand emotional connections and Tilly's shifting goalposts has made this pretty hard. Furthermore, as I already noted, people tend not to be able to change. I am people. I cannot change me, in any positive or achievable sense, and Tilly cannot be expected to make all the changes to make our relationship improve if I'm making no changes.
|Oh, I really am emotionally immature.|
Well... bugger. By these definitions, by the by, Tilly is
As to emotional maturity, I'm well aware that my own emotional responses are bottled, confused and come out all in a lump. I am pretty certain I am far from emotional maturity, which must be hard for Tilly and, indeed, anyone else. As to her's... I have nothing to compare that to. If, as has been said to me, she lacks emotional maturity then, again, there's nothing I can do about that. I can choose to weather it or have more arguments like the one detailed back in the King's Cross entry.
And I am conflict avoidant. I am a coward. And thus nothing will ever really change, for better or for worse. And I am the worst kind of person to have any kind of issues. In fact... There's a short story that you really have to read: here. I'll wait while you read it because it is brilliant.
I'm the third case.