This morning I woke to a dream in which I came out as a cross-dresser at University at the end of my first year (clearly not possible, I was dating my first girlfriend at the time and she would hardly have been supportive). I imagined how much better life would have been had I done so, maybe even joining the LGBT (they had added the T in my first year) society (they would add a Q the year I went to train to teach). I might even have met someone who was into that sort of thing, who knows, and had a relationship that better approximated what I was like at the time. Unlikely, I know, but this was a dream after all.
|She looks happier than Tilly did.|
Either on Thursday or Friday.
The following evening I inquired as to playing chess again, and maybe more, Tilly shot down the maybe-more aspect and we snatched a game (which she won rather convincingly) in amongst her work. Friday had been a bit shit at work too. I had hoped to get loads done but, instead, I was treated to about three hours where I had to avoid my room. A student, the one I've mentioned before, was using me as a listening post. It is depressing, because it is not going well for this student, and, frankly, I'm not qualified enough to support them. I do it because a) I am flattered to be chosen but mainly b) because no one else is available - professionally or otherwise - because funding has been cut and there are no therapists and the support team in Sixth Form is over-worked, under-funded and dealing with too many crises already. I did what I could and I avoided the room apart from that, making working difficult as my excuses required much wandering about. In all of this one of my classes started getting worried about some marked work (they don't need it now and it would actually be a bad thing for them to have, long story, until later) but my professionalism was impugned and done politely, nicely - anger wasn't an option. More... disappointment. So, yeah, a Friday evening of being fit into Tilly's hectic schedule was interesting to say the least.
|Famously Germaine Greer|
reviewed this book entirely on the
basis of this front cover - which the
author did not choose and changed
the next chance they got.
However, apart from the age of the
child, that sums up Friday night.
Saturday was a normal Saturday for once. The Boy and I went shopping, much to his chagrin, and then had a MacDonald's (because we know how to live). Tilly saw us cross a road without using the crossing and was a little annoyed and upset. I did my autistic thing of not really getting why - we were safe and the crossing was carefully judged. I got a haircut, Tilly did not comment on it for good or ill, still hasn't. I'll admit, that stings. I make a point of being complimentary about changes in her clothing, hair and so forth. I guess I am a two, not the three I see myself as (she's about a nine). This follows earlier in the week when I finally got round to tidying my beard and face - that has also had no comment for good or ill passed, nor is it likely to. I digress.
That evening she watched a DVD she'd ordered and encouraged me to go to the pub. Which I did, and enjoyed it, returning to join her watching the DVD and then heading to bed. She was doing exercises for her back, the use of the hotwater bottle and the bringing down of a duvet prevented sitting together on the sofa beforehand, and then fell asleep without much conversation.
|How I imagine I appear to Tilly.|
We came home, had lunch, and then I took the Girlie to the swimming baths. We had a decent time. She can swim underwater well now and treads water like a pro. I taught her to dive for a bit (scissor jump and sitting dive) and then she went on the big slide a few times. Tilly was working on our return and then made tea, which was nice.
|No caption necessary.|
Anyway, deadlines approach and Tilly is now rushing to keep up. As soon as this one passes it's into the next book (recent articles have prevented her writing that) and potentially more articles. She's already planned the spending of any monies earned on a wood-burner, redecorating the dining room and living room and re-roofing the back of the house.
So I'm confused. She clearly wanted to spend time together with me. But not too much? Oh, I don't know.