Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 17 April 2016


I found the post about my last work outing, trip if you will, that went well. It was refreshing to read something I'd written that was positive, upbeat and generally happy. It was at a time last year when all things appeared to be on the up, even pre-trip nerves and all-round worry about work hadn't been enough to tip the balance and make me all shades of anxious and depressed. It was interesting how this sort of folded on itself and became stronger over the next series of posts too. I mean, okay, there were other factors at play too - Tilly was noticing me again, we were actually having meaningful physical contact and, well, all things were looking really quite positive. The feedback from that experience was also good, it seemed that my better attitude was having a positive effect.

Yeah, that's about it.

Mind you, if I had that hair, top and glasses those jaggedy
edges may be a little smoother, y'know?
Now I'm about to repeat that trip. However, it is later in the year, badly planned (well, just incredibly short notice) and things are much less rosy. This is still aftermath for ousting needy colleague. It's a shame, they were a good enough teacher but they were also like me at my worst and pretty much all the time and without the frenetic activity to get things done when they needed to be done. The increased toll on the department I run is not hard to see either. We're all doing too much of the pressured stuff, examination classes, and we're all close to burn-out as a result. We haven't managed to get another person in permanently yet but we are ably supported by awesome part-time colleague (who may as well be full-time). It's a shame this awesome person is unable to take examination classes - they aren't a subject specialist enough. Damn. This has come to a head when my uber-flunky is constantly veering wildly toward quitting or going elsewhere whilst not being able to pull their full weight in supporting my uber-newb, who is now feeling understandably bitter as a new parent whose workload seems to be larger than it ought to be - the uber-flunky was supposed to be creating a course with 50/50 split on resourcing, but so far uber-newb has done all of it. Gah, too many pseudo-names. Uber-flunky is hereby called Harry and Uber-newb is called Alice.

Bloody Hell yes, that sums up my mental state I guess.

Not nearly as bad as a few years ago, I know, but I really am up
against it at the moment. And I can't lean too heavily on my
subordinates because I am not my former bosses who were total
arseholes when it came to delegation of the shitty stuff.
Harry and Alice have been much too busy, both being relatively new teachers, with coping with seven examination classes each, each with two new courses to plan, to help with trips and stuff. Awesome part-time person (let's call them Carla) has kept on top of the rest of the classes left over from flaky-colleague's departure but couldn't be called upon to mark the mountains of stuff left in their wake and live. So, it falls to me, with eight examination classes and one extra class taken on in the stead of PPA time, to mark about 120 assessments at the beginning of January. And run a new AS level. And a new Sociology course. And shore up an older Sociology course from last year for two sets. And then set up new assessments to match the new GCSE in February. And the markschemes. And support Harry because I don't want them to leave. And support Alice because they do need occasional praise and support too. And liaise with my boss, who is also under incredible pressure, whilst supplying Carla with resources (which she totally works with and makes her own) on stuff she's never taught before. And helping my boss with assessments he has to do for a class in my department. Whilst organising the new specs for GCSE coming in and the new A2s... Oh, and then organise this trip.

Which is, of course, why I ended up dressing on that Friday
in the holidays rather than working.

Oh, and not working. I was on GetDare. Because that is
just how I roll, yo.
I got it passed on the last day of term before the Easter holidays. No one else was in over Easter (like normal people, admin don't get paid for it!) so I've had to organise the whole thing in the last week. Talk about short notice. Now, luckily, my organisation for last year was fucking awesome, so most of it just needed to be updated. But staffing wasn't, and students weren't. Agh. On Friday we had a training day to moderate coursework. Harry hadn't marked their class (something I knew about) so I ended up marking them. Alice had agreed to moderate because that's what we do for one another and that meant Harry moderated far less than were otherwise open to do. It all meant that I didn't get much of my own work done on Friday.

Speaking of Friday, Tilly went out to see a band including some famous person that followed her first on the Twitters because Tilly is now legit Twitterati and semi-famous herself. She had to go at 6pm, meaning I had to be home by 5pm to wrangle children. Meaning once my training day was officially over I had to high-tail it home rather than printing off registers and timetables for the trip tomorrow. And was unable to work. I should have dressed, but I am glad that I didn't because Girlie was sneaking around at 9.30pm and scared the shit out of me at one point appearing at the living room door. Dread to think what would have happened had I been dressed.

I am not kidding when I say she looked a little like this
framed in the dark doorway. I may have shouted a few swear
words like "SHIT!" and "FUCK!" and "You scared the shit
out of me!"

Because she fucking did!

My fault for watching this youtube video a few weeks ago
I suppose.
Now, okay, you could argue I should come out to my children. However, over the last week it has come to light that Girlie's rather erratic behaviour and mood-swings, which were puzzling us as they reminded us of before we'd got her off sugar, were down to her sneaking her brother's chocolate eggs from storage (he eats them slowly, really slowly, and infrequently. By 'all' I mean about six small ones bigger than creme eggs but smaller than small Easter eggs) and glutting herself on them. This was discovered on Thursday (another early night home resulted, so no work done then either, and the evening was riven with trying to placate sugared-up guilty-feeling teary-daughter and angry betrayed guilty wife until late, like 10pm late). Basically, Girlie would have been of a mood to use this to ultimate advantage and I rather suspect that a guilty-feeling wife would be in no mood to hear any defence from me. So, yeah, glad I didn't try.

The more I see and think about this film, the more convinced
I am that it is actually a really good film.

Very underrated, from what I can gather, and with some
excellent turns by the cast.

The soundtrack is to die for!
I can't complain, I got out to the pub on Saturday and Tilly and I watched a film directed by another of her Twitter friends which was... eh, it was alright. It wasn't the comedy it promised to me, Tilly thought it was, but it was better than Tron. Now, don't get me wrong, I'd got Tron in after the Boy had seen and fallen in love with Tron Legacy - which is an ace film. I remembered the original from a vague memory of seeing it back when I was about eight on a poor quality V2000 or VHS at a friend's house. The Boy loves it, much more than the superior (in my view) Tron Legacy, and we'd watched it during the afternoon because he was so excited about it (he'd seen it in the kitchen when it arrived on Tuesday, unbeknownst to us, and when I told him we'd watch it he practically exploded with delight). In the meantime both children have been watching Pokemon and have fallen in love with it. I was awoken by an excited Boy asking me which Pokemon was best, and did it compare with the shows I watched, in an excited high-pitched whisper at about 6.30am on the Saturday. Long and the short of it? Going to the pub (for an hour) was the only time on Saturday when I had a moment to myself.

Hmm, 12% of Statesians are in the same boat as me,

Good to know?
Tilly and I briefly held hands in bed after the film before she fell asleep. Remarkably quickly. She arrived home on Friday after I had gone to sleep (I did let her know). Tilly has maintained her work pattern since her mother stopped over Monday-Wednesday this last week. That is: work from 6.45pm to around 11.45pm and thence to bed. It's been like this since the end of our jaunt down south to maintain her articles, blog, Twitter-thing and the book research. I get it, I totally do, but it does mean I've barely seen her. Even an hour together in IKEA, that started very positively between us, didn't do much. We had arms round one another as we walked (the children were in Smaland) for about ten minutes. Then it stopped - her bag was in the way and switching sides was constantly frustrated by Tilly moving to stay where she was in relation to me, unconsciously to be sure, but constantly. After lunch Tilly took the Girlie for some new clothes whilst I charged the car and looked after the Boy. Once home, Tilly went gardening whilst I wrangled the Boy and the Girlie. I joined her gardening whilst the children played on the computer and then she went inside to sort things whilst I weeded, or went out to garden if I came inside to work indoors. Not deliberately, but there you have it.

Then Tilly went to look after the chinchilla, which was fine, whilst I looked after the children and got them prepared to get ready for bed. By the time I'd finished reading Harry Potter to the Girlie, Tilly had commenced work. It's a night when she works with her narcissist writing buddy (let's call her Pippa) so that'll go on until close to midnight, by which time I hope to be in bed because I'm stressing out about a trip tomorrow.

Oh, and I read an article that resonated, you may be interested if you read this blog:
And that's that.


  1. Really good to get your update - so great to see into your world. You are crazy busy!! And I think I've got a lot on! I am so never going to remember all those names!! xxx

    1. Thank you. And yes, it does seem rather a lot reading back.

      I'm not going to remember the names either, let's be honest!


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!