I want to make a post about positive things. So many people are pushing through the difficulties of their difficult, as in actually hard, lives to be positive and are finding results. On the other hand, I am experiencing more positive things than ever (supportive colleagues, indulgent bosses, even a more romantic spouse) and I am focussing on the negative.
It's been a difficult almost fortnight.
|Oh GOD I wish I could dress like this.|
Or ever feel like she looks.
I got to see my godson and all was (mostly) well. It reminded me of when our two were little. It confirmed I do not want another child.
|I wouldn't mind being so stressed if I could dress like that.|
Tilly has been working both weeks. We haven't spent more than ten minutes together (awake) since some time in January. No, we really haven't - for once I'm not exaggerating. She makes all the right noises though, so that stands as an actual improvement. She was also even concerned about my cold, which, again, is a massive improvement. It's been a long time though and I have found it hard to adjust to the extra attention. I end up getting irritable and huffy and pushing people away. My brain is assailed by my depression telling it that I enjoyed it better when I was left alone. I wasn't, I know, but the initial response is hard to get past.
|Except those first four words... I'm not|
really sure I get to claim that.
And each round just gets worse. I get more vindictive and angry, she gets more determined to do something utterly stupid: playing games with bamboo sticks for plants until one snaps and smacks her in the face; shouting at her brother until he punches her; using her socks as gloves until one gets a hole in it - and all because of me.
|Face like a slapped arse?|
Gotta be related to my mother.
Monday we travel South and we must adhere to the old-style timetable of travel so that we can swim twice a day, see Tilly's mother every day (including the day we travel back) and stay in the hotel Tilly likes. This may not be possible, charging stations are hard to find down there that aren't part of local initiatives that outsiders, such as us, would have to pay through the nose to use. We're dependent on a free charger on a motorway, but it adds about half an hour of travel every time we need to charge and that, you see, is not allowed. I'm not looking forward to it.
I must mark a bunch of stuff I've been putting off. I must write up some trip paperwork so that we can carry out the trips. Neither remaining colleague can help. One is a new father and the other is struggling and thinking of going elsewhere (I kinda need them to stay, so I'm trying to minimise stress and extra work as an inducement).
And then the merry-go-round starts again.
Oh, Tilly asked that we do nothing for Valentine's this year again - we can "be romantic in our own time" she said. Also, she's busy with her book, articles, new business venture and her narcissist. I agreed, of course I agreed, but we're slowly going back to the old rut. You know, in a year, we still qualify as technically sexless. Still, it's more frequent than at any time since Tilly was pregnant with the Girlie. I'm just glad I didn't do what I did last time and buy enough protection for double figures only to have to throw them out when they passed their use-by date by six months.