Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Thursday, 28 January 2016

The Times They Are A-Changing

So much going on, so little time.

My marking grows ever more urgent and remains undone most of the time. Things at work pile up but so far no balls dropped. Less stress and more tiredness.

Yeah, I can relate to this. This is apposite.
I took a personality test back before The Flowers and found that I was INTP - the Logician. Now, the site I did it on sugar-coated things but the overall feel of the type was negative despite that. Tilly was interested enough to do it herself (she got ENFJ - the Protagonist) and decided that her write-up was far too positive. She dug around and found that there were more negative takes on her personality type but that most remained positive. She checked mine, they were mainly negative and supported my morose beating-self-up approach. No surprises. That may explain the flowers, actually.

The other key to the sudden change in heart from Tilly may well be related to the way I phrased my issues etc. I told her that I wasn't so much questioning whether or not I was female so much as I was me and looking for how best to express that. So, sometimes I like flowery things and clothes that society tells me are feminine. Other times I like soldiers, painting and warfare and things that society tells me are masculine. I do believe that this was a breakthrough comment for Tilly and that it has precipitated her mellowing toward my expressed issues and wishes. What that means in the long term (and The Flowers was certainly positive) remains to be seen.

Fear, horror.

Also, two nights ago she raised a third child again, we had a brief chat. She is still very much hoping for a third child.

To her credit, Tilly addressed all of the concerns I raised years back about the prospect - her distance, irritability, discomfort, lack of intimacy, lack of sex (both now attributed to wanting to get 'frisky' but not understanding me enough to not get so angry with what I said or did that she wrote off anything nice in favour of being annoyed) etc. She explained that, with things much better now, she was keen to keep that going and use it to make the whole experience better and part of our love for one another. I was flattered. She was a little confused by my rather unexpected concerns surrounding the fact that climatologists refuse to have children (citing their conclusions as evidence why) and my own feeling that population density-easing was best practiced at home - which are my main concerns these days. The rest, what she tackled, remains in my mind as things that are issues, but are not my driving concern regarding children. We agreed to think on what each other had said. Well, Tilly urged me to digest what she had said.

And I have. In the bath yesterday morning I thought about how little has really changed, though very much for the better, and how little time we've had so far. Now, if this were after a year or so of changed attitudes and increased affection etc then I suspect I would be more open. As it is... It is too early, I feel, to be making any rash decisions about children with the promises given thus far. Case in point - a recent request for intimacy from Tilly was interrupted by illness and the predictable time of the month. Commuted to snuggling (no complaints about that) but that became me stroking her hair and her falling asleep. Not really 'snuggling' as such. It did... well, suffice to say, I don't see any change there for a bit. I'm still not complaining, but I shan't be changing my life plans on increased intimacy any time soon.

I also haven't dressed in the New Year. I was hoping to do so tonight as Tilly was due out with friends. Which is now not happening. Also, both children are slightly ill. In the Boy's case this translates to 'won't sleep until midnight' and 'gets up at ungodly o'clock in the morning'. Bugger.

Finally, I've gone from 32 followers to... uh... 26. Not sure what I've done to offend people. Probably my lack of posting and activity. Getting flowers? Eh, who knows.


  1. I've dropped almost 30 people. Google culls some from time to time for being trolls or selling us ball-bearings. On the good hand, I haven't seen a spam comment in weeks!

  2. Definitely Google being mean! Great post - another child: a huge step, but as a ENFP, I would say that wouldn't I? :o) x


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!