Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 3 January 2016

New Year Listings

March 2015 - Devon apparently. Looks lovely doesn't it?

I honestly can't remember what the weather was like. Still,
there were other positives and so I shall focus on those.
2015 has been a strange year. It began with worries about Tilly's health, then proceeded with a crisis moment when the advice of Leslie-Anne has never been more vital and helpful than it was in that moment. It helped me to face things and to actually do something about it, something I am always at pains to avoid. The first mad props of the year, then, belong entirely to her and her frank and helpful advice. I hope that she is still well across that Pond and that she is able to read this and appreciate anew just how helpful and supportive she was to me.

After that 2015 began some actual action. The second phase was with some actual movement on my relationship that was started, and maintained, by Tilly taking some responsibility and us both trying to get along a little better and actually talk. She then went and got herself a brace of book deals and has had easily the most successful year she's ever had, and the success just keeps on coming. Add in the fact that our children have become calmer again, more like we hoped for them at the beginning, and you have the makings of quite a satisfying year. We also got an electric car, which is exciting.

Ale on the outside! Yes, summer brought some
sunshine enough to sit and drink ale in the
garden. Nice.
Of course, it was also the year when the summer seemed to mark the beginning of a new chapter for me too. And not a good one. First and foremost there was the slow resignation about various aspects of life, including the maintenance of this blog, which has never since regained the posting schedule of old. In this I was supported and touched by the awesome Rhi, who remains a lovely person in most respects - especially those that she finds lacking in her own life. I firmly believe that my imaginary friend who created the Universe created people like Rhi to challenge, support and help others and, through that, to be loved and supported in return. Thank you, Rhi.

Into the dog-days of summer, then, I recognised the onset of depression for the first time (in advance that is, not the first time being depressed) and the success experienced by Tilly began to take its toll on our physical relationship again, as it is wont to do. Rhi remained supportive and helpful and was joined by Dee, whom you all know already I'm sure, and queen's pawn, to whom I am indebted for forthright views and challenging remarks. It's the ones that make me angry that I have to listen to again and reread because there's a reason for that anger, you see, and I must be certain that I am responding well to that! Also, I like me some good challenging stuff. I may also have finally capitulated and admitted to myself that I was genderqueer - in that I don't easily fall into either box at any given time but both most of the time.

I have looked, and I cannot find this figure.

I'd buy it. Hell, if I could find it, I would buy some Finn
and even a Kylo Ren in celebration. Because why
not? Also, a stormtrooper and a flametrooper.
Of course, the Discussion was the biggest challenge of recent memory, along with the fall-out caused by that. It meant a freezing of progress in many ways but it did result in getting scented candles for Christmas, and that's a start. It was nice. It meant a little more freedom to be me, I guess. I bought me an Episode VII t-shirt (it has Rey, Finn, Poe Dameron and Chewie on a stone coloured background, I rather like it) and some socks with my Christmas money from my grandfather, which was nice, and the Boy and I played endlessly with his Lego and Angry Birds stuff.

And so 2016 dawns. Four months into a drought, but with some physicality thrown in over the festive period, and with a member of staff gone from work. Someone I helped to remove. And, thus, I shall wear that dark cloak of Death for a while in my work. I've worn it before but left before I could take it off again and, this time, I shall have to stay the course. I like it where I work, even if I am not as accepted and liked as I had assumed at my more positive moments. At least I'm not as shunned and alone as I might believe at my darker ones either. Maybe I'll even start writing my beer blog again. Maybe not.

Other sites that have helped me through the year are a bit more varied than in years past. First there's the strangely addictive numbers game that is Swarm Sim. Then there's the gaming site that the Boy and I have frequented a great deal - there's been a steady stream of good games there (I can heartily recommend the 1066 game and When Penguins Attack). Aaaand, that's about it this year. Obviously previous year's lists still rate here but nothing on the scale of those years in terms of amount of time checking and commenting - I have been very poor at that indeed this last year. And it started so well too.

Resolutions? Not this year. We have until July.

Do not. Fuck. With us.


  1. Joanna, you are too kind, but thank you :o) You are in an increasingly tough situation which seems to bump along and you deserve so much more - we just all want to see you happy and able to be yourself. Take care, Rhi x

    1. I am not kind enough, Rhi!

      Thank you for your good wishes though, I have been reading them daily in my e-mail inbox and it has been most helpful.


  2. Aww, Joanna, thank you for the kind words. I was worried that I had overstepped when I wrote you, but I have learned that you consistently hear my intent through all the the verbosity. I feel a real bond with you, and wish you a more even and positive year.

    All my best,

    1. The least I can offer, literally. :)

      Thank you for all that you have written to me too. Your intent is clearer than you think and I hope I can reciprocate the bond properly. And yes, looks like 2016 is already more positive, I hope the same for you too!

      God bless,



All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!