Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

The Psychopath Test

Wait... what?
Been footling about and have taken a number of online tests, because I rather enjoy taking online personality tests in the hopes that I may actually learn something about myself. Of course, no one does, what you learn is how the makers of the test see the world and you regularly become disillusioned with the maker's views on the world - they are invariably entitled and sexist or, worse, out for amusement without a sense of humour. Nevertheless, I continue to try.

Whilst charging the car at the local services I chanced upon the Psychopath Test by Mark Ronson. Now, I know nothing about the man, but, as is my wont, I have read a good portion of his book already through about three different sessions - why not? Apart from the fact that I am undermining booksellers (though I don't know) and am really just too embarrassed to reach for the half-arsed and probably crap anyway BDSM books over there on the top shelf. They can't be as bad as Fifty Sheds of Grey can they? No matter. It opened a new avenue of research pissing away time on the internet by suggesting that I could be less AS and more psychopathic or sociopathic. Taking the online test indicated that I could be as high as 9 out of 15 (which is close to psychopathic) but then I took the Channel 4 test and it decided that I was more of a people person at just 30%. For reference, Tilly scored just 2. When it came to AS I scored 39. Those with AS tend to score around 31-2. For reference, Tilly scored somewhere in single figures or just afterward - no more than 12. On this one I score even higher - at 41. Basically, it looks increasingly likely that I have AS and am probably not a psychopath or sociopath. Which is fun.

I'm sure that I have previously mentioned (to the point of
nausea) my wish to be the damsel in distress and be rescued
by a knight in shining armour.

Well, actually, functional armour is just fine by the by.

This is Brienne of Tarth, in case you were wondering and, if
you were, where have you been whilst all this has been
going on? I mean, seriously!
Last night Tilly and I watched some Game of Thrones again, as she has been reading the books (I abandoned them because I grew tired of the poor writing style, but Tilly says its fine, YMMV) - and it was nice. We shared some German alcoholic apple juice heated with oranges in it and failed to touch for the proceedings. She was eating crisps and I ate salsa - which is hot and thus anathema in terms of sharing any kind of experience. I should have known better. After two episodes we retired to bed. A couple of points here - I had asked about maybe having carnal relations, after an initial (and quite vociferous) "NO", she had hinted that it may be on the cards but nothing more. We awkwardly held hands for a few minutes and then she fell asleep and turned away. By morning she was as far away as it is possible to get in our bed, and we have a big bed.

But in purple rather than red. There was glitter on the bits
that look like cabbage. Also, thistles.
Today I bought some flowers. And it was interesting. I spotted a lovely bouquet last night but decided to wait until this morning to get a fresher one, and also knew that I would be picking up some parcels, and they were to be for Tilly - to replace the crappy bouquet of roses I got 'for the house'. On return with the flowers Tilly was slightly grumpy - were they for the house? I said no, that they were for her, and she instantly changed and I even gained a kiss. Indeed, I have been kissed three times today. But what if they had been 'for the house' - i.e. for me? Then I suspect the day would have been different. But it brings home what a difference receiving flowers can make and confirms my suspicions that it is a nice thing to have done for someone. It is unlikely to ever be done, I think, for me. I did read, back last week, someone else commenting on a webcomic that they were a male with female mental impulses - they found it erotic and calming to have flowers bought for them. In all their relationships (more than three) they had experienced it just once and recalled it fondly - most of their female partners had professed humour and assumed they were lying. Well, apart from the sudden identification there I suppose that there wasn't much to learn or take home. Apart from the fact that I appear to be odder than even I suspected.

Once again, I have had more physical contact... No. Our Boy understands that in any physical exchange there is reciprocity. See below, 1.02 - 1.56 for full reference.

In that sense, when hugging, he understands that the person providing the hug needs something back. So, he tries to hug back. In that one action I get more out of a hug with my Boy than I do with Tilly because, when hugging Tilly, she wants more from me and provides very little. Now, I should point out the obvious flaws here: hugging the Boy carries no sexual overtones (or undertones for that matter) but, then, nor does hugging with Tilly. But, with the Boy, he at least tries to provide some reason for me to enjoy the experience as much as he does, there is little to nothing in that regard with Tilly. Even after the flowers and with kisses (which I'm not knocking) it was mainly about her and how she felt. Which is fine, I mean, sometimes it has to be about other people, right? I just wish that, once in a while, it could be about me.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!