Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Gender Police

Eh, close enough

Erin Barret - the OP. All power to her, by the way, for
this is the sort of thing of which I wish I were capable
when suffering from something - hitting back by saving
others. That's true compassion, that is.
I shared something on the Book of Faces the other day about ovarian cancer. You may have seen it, you may not, but a cancer sufferer was explaining how they had been lucky and the cancer, ovarian, had been caught early during a routine check about pregnancy. She delivered her baby and then underwent an intensive round of chemotherapy etc. Long story short: it was working. And people kept asking her how they could help. So, she gave them a way: share her story, along with the symptoms of ovarian cancer, so that others could catch their cancer early. The chances are, statistically, about 1 woman in every 580 will have it. She wanted to pass the message on to 10 fellow-sufferers so that they would be caught early. So, she needed to hit 5,800 women. I saw it, posted by my mother, so I shared it to every female I knew that didn't know my mother - I included Tilly because, well, she's my wife, but also because she knows countless women that I don't and many of those may well be in the danger-zone of 40+ (though the OP was under 40).

Through reading about: the traits that define Aspie
women are the same as those that define Aspie men.
The idea that it is somehow harder to diagnose women
seems, to me, to be all kinds of sexist shit wrapped in a
nice misogynistic gift-wrap.
It was later, in the kitchen, that Tilly started an odd conversation. She pointed out that most men wouldn't share such a thing, they may not even read it, and that it wasn't really my place to be sharing the story. "If you're looking for areas of women's issues where men aren't welcome," she referred to a previous conversation we'd had about that, "then this is most definitely one of them." She explained that my actions were unusual, and probably rather unwelcome. She expressed that she felt "a bit weird" having me share it. She chose to chalk this up to my possible autism rather than to my genderqueer-ness for some undisclosed reasons, and suggested that I should keep a distance from future such opportunities to share such posts.

In fairness, two women who I tagged took the opportunity to untag themselves from the post and not all responded (or liked) the post. Maybe she's right. I don't know. See, I took the view that it didn't matter what gender saw the post - the fact that it could affect women was important enough for me to share it with women that I knew directly and to post it so that other men could share it amongst the women that they knew - it's another vector of information. Mind you, it has not been reshared by anyone that I know so maybe Tilly is correct. It's not even been shared by the Feminist men that I know so perhaps this isn't Feminism either. Maybe this is a 'muscling in' (for want of a better term) on the female turf, so to speak, as Tilly suggested. If so, is this evidence of my genderqueer nature (assuming I have one); evidence of my autism and lack of social skill or just evidence of the fact that I'm an attention-whore and a bit of a dick, prone to making poor decisions socially?

Disclaimer: I do not find Rey 'hot'. I would cosplay the Hell
out of Rey but not because she is attractive, rather because
there are so few accomplished women in pop-culture that are
around my age. She's disturbingly closer to my age than is
Leia. Who is still awesome, by the way.
Evidence for the latter was had just now as Tilly returned from taking the Girlie to a play. The Boy and I had been out to McDonald's and seen Episode VII. Anyway, on the way to the play Tilly and Girlie had witnessed the aftermath, almost immediate, of a collision between bus and pedestrian. It turned out, by using internet, that the pedestrian was 70 and was "not in a life-threatening situation" in hospital. God I love our NHS. I digress. This tidbit was shared with me, by both Girlie and Tilly, some five times or more after they arrived home. As soon as the Girlie was put to bed, with some faff, Tilly begins to regale me with exact details of how it must have happened. My reactions weren't good enough, she embarked on a second, more detailed, telling of how it must have happened and then, mid way through, began a third even more forensic detailed telling. At this point I stopped her, honestly, the key details are: old woman, collision with bus, be careful crossing the road, everyone was about as okay as could be expected. But this is evidence, sayeth Tilly, of my "lack of human response" and should be conveyed to the doctor tomorrow. Keep in mind that I have been able to share nothing of my day with the Boy with either her or Girlie yet, I likely never will as it is not of interest to either of them (and why should it be?). However, my lack of bother with the incident beyond the key facts is evidence that I am not normal.

I saw an accident today:/three cars frozen in the impact after blow
/indecently displayed in intimate detail/and dripping fluids.

Not this one, but this road. I saw vans upside down
(yes, plural) and at least one Mini underneath
a bus. All before emergency services arrived
but after people had stopped to help.
Seriously, fuck this universe, I've seen countless aftermaths of collisions. I've probably seen a couple of dead bodies after crashes. Is it wrong that I don't give a shit? No one I've ever spoken to about any of the incidents gave two figs what I saw or didn't, so I've stopped even mentioning what I see on the roads: no one cares. But now it is not normal to not care. Most people, that mythical group with whom Tilly is in constant communion, would care and would listen to people's forensic descriptions of such events with 'normal' human emotion and interest. That I don't means I am not normal. Fuck this for a lark. Fuck it. No one gives a shit IRL about what I see or what I think, not even my students, and now I'm expected to give a shit about an incident I didn't see in the kind of mad detail that supports Anxiety attacks about crossing the damn' road?

Tilly did say that she would be happy to listen if that happened again and that it sucked that no one would listen to me. But I don't buy that, she's not that fussed about most things I experience, which is fair enough - I believe that most people are actually not fussed about what happens to other people except insofar as it directly impinges themselves. It is a source of wonder to me that there are people that read and respond to what I say here.

Gah. Done now. Second ale. Marking tomorrow.


  1. Just appalling, Jo. She is offended that you care enough about half the humans on earth to share a post, but announces that you are uncaring because a minor incident had no impact on you.

    She is a classic narcissist. You will never prevail in any disagreement. I think you know that.

    I would be looking for a way out, honestly. She is broken and will never admit it. Appalling.

    Keep fighting the good fight,

    1. Hey there! Great to hear from you, Leslie! Happy New Year!

      On to the meat - narcissist is probably not it, but that doesn't mean there isn't something in it. As to failing to prevail - yes, you are right, as is becoming increasingly apparent. Her approach, coupled with my fear of conflict, means that's on both of us.

      Thank you,


    2. The secret to my return to comments is that I have graduated from Windows Vista. Blogger really did not like it. I have a new box with Windows 10, and I am rocking the blogosphere old school.

    3. Well, I am glad to hear it! All power to your new box.

      I knew there was a reason that Vista used to get such bad press!


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!