Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Saturday, 19 December 2015


70 people in a pub with a small buffet. So... not at all like this.

Can't complain, the DJ had the Pet Shop Boys and played them,
okay, so it was West End Girls but that's better than was
managed at my actual wedding (no Pet Shop Boys was played
or owned) so...

Loving the red thing on the neck of the one on the right.

I had a long post planned out in my head at one point, but it is gone now.

The last week at work was... interesting. Work's do on Thursday was odd, mingle groups solidified without me in them and I slipped out. No one noticed I had gone and some didn't even know I'd been there despite holding conversations with me for ten minutes. The following day was awkward. The social group I thought I was a part of were getting ready for the pub but then it transpired they'd got leaving gifts for a colleague but I was not part of this at all - awkward, so I left. At a social gathering in the morning I was without conversation - the mingle groups solidified around me. At lunch a Faculty do was had, again I ended up without anyone to talk to. Basically, the whole week was an illustration of how I'm not in a social group. Again.

Previous to this, Tilly had sent me this article (on Thursday) about depression and ASD. It sounds a lot like me. It was a bit hard hitting, to be honest, and may have contributed to whatever vibe I was putting out on the evening do.

Lady Aspies are more subtle.

All of which means I am very probably Aspergic and depressed more than I thought I was. However, getting a diagnosis is, apparently, quite difficult as most GPs would prefer not to refer and assume there is no point. Add a healthy dose of government believing that any AS diagnosis would cost them somehow and you have a system set up to be hostile to people trying to get a diagnosis. As I am conflict avoidant and generally a bit rubbish (I still haven't had an X-Ray of my arm since I may have broken it, and yes, the bone still feels funny and it all goes numb every now and again), I do not feel I am likely to beat the system. Depressed much?

Today I ended up buying my own Christmas present (two ales) from the children because neither one of them wanted to go and get something (or wrap it). Which is fine, honestly, but they did both buy Tilly something (with me) and help wrap that. If even Tilly is failing to get them on board I should gather that I shall fail.

Tilly and the children went to visit Sierra and her new baby on Friday, meaning that I was back home before them and had time to charge the car - moreso since I didn't go to the pub due to the awkwardness. Tonight I went out for a shelving unit from IKEA whilst Tilly wrapped the presents for the children. We've had a couple of flashpoints on silly things, where she has 'joked' a cutting remark and I have responded in kind and she doesn't like it. As I was doing what she did I am at a loss as to why this would cause upset, but cause upset both occasions have. Never with me though, no, if I take offence then that is indication that I am being precious and/or autistic. Responding in kind is worse though, because then I am attacking her for no good reason when she's trying so hard not to piss me off - her words. Maybe Tilly is enacting her own Plan Omega. I don't know.


  1. I know that you will respond that you are just presenting a one-sided view and you will be defensive (rightly) of Tilly. But this all just seems completely mean -- at the very least, it is a completely expected protocol that parents help their kids buy Christmas presents for the other partner. Grrrrr. But this just seems to become an increasingly lop-sided relationship... x

    1. Yes. To all you've said. Yes.

      As ever, thank you.



All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!