It's been a long long time. Much longer than I am used to on this blog where I have tried (though it may not seem it) to maintain a 15 post per month rule. Ha.
|Well, who wouldn't?|
It means that intimacy is missing again, though Tilly has mentioned it a few times since the start of June. Five, if we're counting, since February and a number of actions toward that (about four if I'm right) so we're still on for the strict definition of sexless marriage this year despite the thaw. Better than the twice a year since 2007 though so I shan't be complaining about that. No dressing since the last time I posted about it on here, one aspect of having more conversation with Tilly is that she is about in the same space as me more often and my examination marking has prevented any sojourns to the spare room for me of an evening. In any case, Tilly's book work takes her there more than I these days so the chances to snatch a moment with my wardrobe are pretty small.
|Jealous? Moi? Well, now that you mention|
I am uncomplicated and impossible to please
all at once. Nor do I laud ridiculous femininity.
Or... maybe I do. Misogyny masquerading as
something else, I wouldn't be the first.
Plenty of thoughts, plenty of observations, just nothing worthy of a blog post or anything meaty to say about anything. Everyone is still around, they're all having actual meaningful life events with actual meaningful struggles and such and I am not having those things. Life is. And my relationship is also. It just is. My hand hurts from all the online marking (no, really), and I have bought the soundtrack for Mad Max: Fury Road because it is brilliant. My birthday came and went, unnoticed at work (as I like it) and unmarked by my brother (as normal). The children were keen to give cards and presents (beer) and Tilly has said she will pay for a brewery tour (not sure I'm all that bothered to go tour a brewery, but free beer in the offing I guess) - she's trying very hard. Got some books too for myself and that's about it. I've spent so many years building up this shell on birthdays I think I'm finally seeing the results - and I rather like it passing the way it does without any fuss.
|Less balloons, less cake, no hat.|
Okay, and not the model.
Imagine a hole. Ooh! Yes:
imagine a hole
I still stop and sigh at nice dresses in windows. Still see fashions I would like to try. Still have some jealousy for colleagues who dress well for their style (so, pretty much all of them but especially the female ones) and still yearn for something that I never had and never will. Perhaps it doesn't exist. It's a feeling, not a thing, so it's not like I can buy it.
The holidays have begun in earnest. I hope to get the work done I need to do and maybe, maybe, have a holiday. I have a wan smile at this sentiment, I shall have time off work, to be sure, and good times with the family (today being a case in point, we went to a lovely park with rides and such and a good time was had by all - not a theme park) but I shall not have a holiday as such. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.