|And I would play Pet Shop Boys, of course, with the many|
club remixes. Because I am so hip (replacement).
|Full-frontal nudit- wait, no, just me in a dress|
with a beard.
How avant garde. Or gauche. Whatevs.
In short, I do not deny that I am a cross-dresser and Tilly still has not accepted (nor ever shall) this aspect of me beyond knowing that I do it from time to time. She, and most other people I know, have no desire to know more about this aspect of me and, frankly, my urge to talk about it seems to be dying off too. Not in a bad way, the fact that I am still posting here and even sharing pictures shows that I am more than willing to show off, just in the sense that I think I am more balanced now than those dark days that prompted the start of the blog.
|And, no matter how well my marriage goes, I shall never have|
anything like this. But that is life, is it not, in the modern
world - the subtle disappointment of compromise.
As Cary Elwes very astutely said in Princess Bride: "Get used
I know what I want, I know most of it is forever out of reach; I know who I am, and who I would have preferred to be; I know what I can do, and what I have decided is beyond me (as well as what is actually beyond me). I still strive toward the title of the blog, but not in the same raw and wounded way I felt in 2011.
|It's hard to know exactly how to respond: this is as close as I could get.|
Sorry, but no one should really be
Maybe this feeling is a flash itself, a clam before a new storm or anticipation before the next great whirlwind. A General Election looms in the UK, I shall be voting with my conscience as I do and I shall therefore be unrepresented at Westminster for another five years, that much I know. I can see the UK becoming more right-wing. I can see people mistaking recent minor economic changes to be successes for one party, a global financial crisis being blamed on another (and their mishandling of PFI - always toxic - and privatisation doesn't exactly do them any favours in that regard), the rise of something distasteful, arrogant and quasi-evil being hailed as wonderful and the derision heaped upon nationalist parties (who have their own problems). I see the loons, the fruit-cakes, the deluded and the starry eyed idealists. Perhaps as society shifts again I shall have another kind of blog to make here. I don't think I'm stopping posting, but I am seeing my blog changing focus.
And it feels like twilight.