Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Doll House

Woah, hey, it's been a while since we
had one of these on here!
It is Easter. It's that time of the year where people who are Christian-flavoured like to call to mind the true celebration of Christianity as being the point when a random aramaic rabbi rose from death and conquered the grave. Of course we celebrated this religious and orthodox belief by rolling eggs (which I am given to believe is something peculiar to the city my family hales from: Preston, specifically those who could walk to Haslam Park, pronounced azhlam park) in a stone circle. Yes, we finally found Doll Tor, which we went looking for over summer, by clever application of google maps and a lot of tramping around in fields. The weather was sunny and warm and the children seemed to enjoy it all generally. Well, the Boy did. He also commented that he wanted trees and woods "like the old place" and seemed revitalised by the Sylvan idyll of the setting - I'll admit that I, too, miss the old woods behind our house and this confirmed the effect that they had on my mood and on the early days recounted in this blog.

Here is the circle. No, not a photo I took. It's the wrong time
of year. The holt was in those grasses to the left.

It was well-built, actually, bet it was dry and warm too. I
once made such a thing in Scouts but I have never had the
chance to actually use one!
Nevertheless, we found ourselves spending an afternoon in a stone circle, very well preserved but a tad small, bearing the marks of a clearly neo-pagan ritual undertaken to mark the recent partial eclipse in the area. With Tilly wearing a colourful patchwork skirt and me in my 'Michigan' t-shirt it must have appeared to the few who passed us by that we were the hippie type - given the time of year and the usual propensity of such types to claim Easter back as a rite of Spring and changing of the seasons (hence the egg rolling I suppose). There was a star-shaped glass bead with some offering of some sort burned in the centre of the circle and a holt built off to one side and clearly having been used to sleep overnight (I suspect two bodies and copulation). And yes, a few people did pass us and wonder at our antics, clearly thinking we were the ones so desecrating the scheduled monument with our mad ways. Whoever did leave the offering knew their stuff, however, as the site has yielded a star-shaped glass bead as one of the odder finds from it, created in the Bronze Age and dating back some 1,500 years BCE.

Just a picture of an apparently
sexual deviant. According to the
original posting of the image.
I don't believe it, personally.
It's another tale of family idyll. But for the fact that the Boy vomited on the way home, and the day before we brave the lion's den of my father. Same old same old, he and his wife don't approve of the way we home-ed our children, nor the fact that Tilly doesn't work. The wife thinks I have somehow prevented Tilly from working and shut into a world of domestic Hell and the father believes that we over-indulge our children and leave them ill-equipped to deal with a world "that isn't all about them" - because that's what we do when we home educate of course.

In other news, I haven't kicked my habit of visiting GetDare, and have continued to take dares and rules and such for my own amusement. Mostly, and this brings to mind my abortive session with the psychotherapist way back when, I play-act and write what makes people feel good about themselves. I consider my activities there to be mainly about role-playing and pretend rather than about actual reality. It is a place to be someone I am not and someone who is a little more sexually active than I am in a way that would be considered 'deviant' in the real world. The fact that Tilly and I are closer physically than before does offer a little more disquiet (though this is on hold since the vomiting daughter in London).

In our last bout of physicality Tilly did ask, specifically, whether I was happy now. I think she meant it well but it is telling after the rocky conversations around February. Like was said at the time, not by me, Tilly is now aware that she cannot take me for granted and that I do have limits but these sound awfully patriarchal and, well, not me. I do, I have limits, but I do wonder at them. I also wonder at how far there has been a real change. I'm not denying that I enjoy the experiences but I still find it very hard indeed to complete my end of the bargain (not in a bad way) and that must rankle with Tilly and they are still pretty rare overall (two or three occasions since mid-February). In short, we're still moving, I think, in the right direction but we aren't out of the woods yet by any stretch of the imagination. There's a lot to repair.

Or, you know, I'm displacing stress about marking, which is stressing me out too at the moment.

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