Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Thoughts on blogging and results

I still love this image and I cannot complain about the
fact that I still own the dress, after everything.
I'd still love the shoes.

Wouldn't everyone?
First of all, I hear and read of people getting e-mails and notes that specifically tell the owners of blogs that they are hosting content that could potentially break the new guidelines. As much as I am shocked, and slightly scared by the dire warnings, by the new month deadline, I suppose an e-mail to at least let those accounts that are affected that they will be affected is good. I guess I'll now just sit and worry about getting an e-mail.

I've been pootling at Wordpress, well, last night anyway and, so far, it's not as intuitive as here. I hope I'm not targeted. And it's that kind of language that has me worried. They are targeting, and it's their platform so they can if they wish, but my concern lies with the haste and the lack of explanation. It seems as though no one saw this coming and so one must question why now and why this particular battlefield. One must also wonder, aloud, if this is just the first strike. What's next? Is there a next?

A blast from the past here.

I'd be very happy to be like this for a
spell but I recognise that it is highly
unlikely and that female Dommes
are actually quite rare.
I don't know. But, as a historian, I am a mite perturbed by the exhortation to self-censor and to avoid guidelines that seem clear on the surface but get woolly after a read through. Again, it's Google's playground and they can do what they want with it - but it is quite scary for people such as I that pootle around on the edges of what would be acceptable in mainstream culture and who has thus far relied a little on the community I have found on blogger to, well, discuss and find out a little more - to share and think about things. Yes, it's another love-letter to people that I read and people that read my thoughts here.

Secondly, those results. They were far from surprising given my posts on here and the sorts of things I have shared from the dark recesses of my mind in my time here. What was surprising, if anything, was the low score of dominance. I mean, I remember taking charge quite well when dressed in my relationship with Toby. I haven't so far in my relationship with Tilly, I mean, I tried, but she's not in the least bit interested and never has been. Apparently I scared the pants off her once with handcuffs - I should stress that I don't recall this and I was the sober one, so I would think that maybe she's mis-remembering the incident, but there we go. What else was surprising was the low score, generally, of things like 'slave' and 'brat' - the latter referring to the sort of sub who likes being punished.

The famous scene, later than we managed as a couple.
My ex-newb at work has referenced Secretary quite a few times and in ways that clearly mark her as a Domme, which I find fascinating. Not something I could ever discuss with her, obviously, but I note it here as an observation. There is also the debate about whether or not Gyllenhaal ends up being the dominant one in the relationship in the film or whether she is just a typical 'brat'. My thoughts are not fully formed on that and, well, the last time I watched the film it was interrupted so I don't know really.

Still haven't dressed and it's there in the back of my mind at the moment so there's that too.

A quick marriage update:

1. Physical and emotional intimacy from a single, female, partner.

Improvement. There is definitely some here and some effort on her part, but still pretty infrequent if regular. Still, baby steps, right?

2. Security of need - to know that I will be supported and desired.

Definitely supported, and she is trying very hard to make that clear and obvious; less obvious on the desire front, but she is trying at the moment. Amazing what shitty changes I can bring about by being a shit. No, that is meant as self-attacking, not smug.

3. To be loved for who I am and to love in return.

Still unclear. I love her, definitely. She loves me, but I'm not sure how far she accepts what I am finding out about myself. Nor how much I can expect anyone to love that.

4. To be complimented once in a while.

She has tried once or twice but only if she thinks I'm fishing for it. Mostly when I'm not.

5. To have playful and experimental experiences that may, or may not, lead to sex.

Some movement here. Not sure it's experimental here: she's agreed to try one thing I put on my map (dressing up) when we have costumes. It's been three weeks and we haven't agreed costumes, much less ordered or worked out what we would do with them. Keep in mind that she has a costume and has mentioned it a few times and I've said yes but there's been no movement there.

7. To leave with a kiss goodbye, arrive home to a kiss hello. Hell, to kiss once in a while.

We're trying, marked improvement.

8. To come first once in a while and be able to allow my partner to come first too. And no, not in a sexual sense.

Not yet. She comes first a lot of the time. I mean, being honest, the fact we do anything at all is probably enough to say that I come first in a manner of speaking - certainly in a way that has not been true for most of this blog.

9. To dress safely and be able to talk about that fully. To have someone understand the liberation it brings to me and accept it, even if they don't want anything else to do with it.

As far away from that as I ever was. Though we did discuss the existence of this blog, obliquely, following the announcement yesterday. So... there's that.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!