Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Monday, 12 January 2015


At work we were discussing books in schools and the problems with getting students to read. In one of my current newb's old placements there had been an issue preventing the student body reading Fifty Shades of Grey when too young. My ex-newb, previously dreamed about by me and spoken of here, related her own experience reading the books and not only being disappointed at the unrealistic and vanilla depictions of the BDSM but being glad her labour came early so she could stop reading them. Mummy-brain means that it is often not possible to read anything more taxing, apparently. Discussion turned to the unrealistic depiction and she mentioned the film Secretary and suggested, if I hadn't seen it, I ought to borrow it.

I have seen it. But I lied.

I suggested it to Tilly, among other films, as something we could watch. My newb has previously loaned me DVDs, back when I was living in that flat before we bought the house, and I have usually watched them. I borrowed one more and ended up watching it alone after we moved too. Anyway, I thought we might watch this one together, why not, you know? Her response? "Isn't it 18 and a bit pornographic?" Because, you know, we're not 18 or something and God forbid we watch somethingf between consenting adults.

"Maybe." said I. I used the fact that I last saw it, have only seen it, late at night with some friends in shared accommodation and I was only paying passing attention as camouflage and suggested that maybe it was a love story in the main with some 'other' overtones.

"I think it's that disgusting porno film," she replied, implying she was holding out on me with her level of knowledge too. "All a bit dirty. I'm not sure I'd want to see that."

Conversation, apparently, over.

I think, perhaps, she's right on one level - it is a bit heavy on the sexuality and it is, just a little, anti-feminist (I suspect there's a male rather than female fantasy in the film just from the camera angles) - but pornographic? I can't imagine 'getting off' by watching the film - and that's my definition of what pornography is - and, from her reaction, I don't imagine Tilly would want to either. I don't know, with things the way they are I'm not certain we can discuss sex, touch one another sexually or even really think about sex at all. She's already stated that she doesn't like me using or accessing porn or reading erotica because 'it's like cheating' but on what and how that works I have no idea. In the end, I don't think we'll watch it. I get the feeling that, once she's looked it up, she'll think less of me for suggesting it.

Assuming she even bothers to look it up like she said she would.

The 'funny' thing? When we first had sex, when I gave my virginity to her as a gift, my inability to finish the job was raised as a potentially worrying thing by Tilly: "some men who are very religious think that having sex is dirty, and that stops them cumming" she said and advised that I make sure it wasn't a physical problem after I assured her that this was not what I thought. I have never thought that. But apparently she did. And does. Ha ha. Ha. Ha.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!