|Contemplating the future, reflecting on the|
|I would happily wear this if I thought I could get away with it|
in a professional setting.
|Huh, it's my actual suit jacket. Not my shirt|
or tie though.
See, it doesn't look too bad.
No greeting home. No physical intimacy. But don't break out the violins just yet, I was late back on Monday (7pm) and today (6.30pm) - the children go to bed at 7pm and start bedtime routines around 6.30pm (today they started earlier) - so I'm quite firmly locking myself out of the family routine at the moment.
I briefly saw her in the morning yesterday, in which she warned me not to check on the children lest I wake them, as she was reading research in bed (6am to 7am then further sleep). She did the same this morning, but I was later setting off, so I caught her barely awake at around 7.30am. I set off at 6.30am on Monday, for reference.
|This is a good enough representation of Tilly working.|
I should be happier for her than I am, I know this. I don't want to be that guy, you know, the one that decries the success of the women in his life because of how it reflects on him. The one that makes every narrative about the male at the centre of the ego-centric view of the world. I don't. And I therefore need to allow Tilly the space she carves out of her full life being primary carer for our children and household to do things for her. And that means I don't come into it, I get that, it's temporary. And yet... Coming so soon after the period since the birth of our daughter and the associated disconnect on so many levels... Coming so soon after the magazine, the parenting group, the enforced organisation to move, tyhe sleeping on the sofa, the depression (both of us), the drought after moving and now an illness that prevents any kind of close physical contact... In short, continuing an increasingly gloomy relationship situation that has lasted since late 2007, this temporary effect, likely to last until October, is bloody annoying. And doesn't feel so temporary.
I wonder what will replace it in October?