|Interesting, male quote but female image. Feminism is|
The two posts, eminently better written than mine, can be found over at Rhiannon's place and Terri's corner by the way.
|Oh, I wish.|
|Yes, that about sums it up.|
Also, there was the small matter on Friday of realisation that Tilly could actually be facing cancer. And that, if it were, then the symptoms suggested inoperable cancer. Unlikely, but a distinct possibility. As much as I have coped and done reasonably well as a single parent over the last few days that has been full time, a few days and without having to work. I called in and took time off. If the worst happened and Tilly died then... well, I wouldn't be able to be as full time as I have been. I do now have a plan Omega though, I would move back to a small house in my mother's city (cheaper house prices means a smaller mortgage) and get a teaching gig there if I could (I have enough contacts) that would be part-time. Hopefully, I could network with some other people I know there. Home schooling would have to finish (not enough of my family and friends support it), which would suck, but I could alleviate what I could as best as I could that way. Also, probably live well within my means rather than at the edge of them as we currently do. It would be possible, is all. I am very much into making things practical. As to the emotional parts of this, well, I don't do emotion. I imagine I would do even less if Tilly died. My Boy would follow my lead and, together, we would support the Girlie.
All this concentrates the mind. I dressed whilst Tilly was in hospital on the Thursday evening. Because it was an affirmation of who I am. What if Tilly died - what then? How soon until I come clean to them and how would I manage that? On Friday evening I had a beer and then numerous attempts at a phone conversation failed due to the people at the hospital being awfully good at their jobs (did I mention I love the NHS?) and caring for my wife. On the the Thursday I dressed and I did some other things. Today, when shopping, I was accosted by someone trying to sell soap who insisted that I could use it as a blandishment for my special lady (herself being female) and that there might be some 'magic trick' to 'spice things up'. I felt like telling her that we've managed 12 times since 2008 and that my wife has a kidney issue that may just end sex forever. I didn't.
But it brought home the danger that Tilly is in, that the relationship is in as it concentrates my thoughts and I begin to plan in case there is a life without Tilly soon and that I really, really don't know what I want. For the same reason that my coping strategies revolve around housework and doing things for other people, for the same reasons, my own awareness of what I want and need is stunted and unreliable.
This is going to take another post.