Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Tuesday, 28 October 2014


Part of me wanted to post a list of what I wanted, like a manifesto, and I was even toying with the idea that I ought to put it as a page rather than a post. But I already did this, in Adrenaline earlier in the year. Of course.

Nothing's original, I stole this flow from the creator and some others too, can't think right now I'll name 'em later. If I say 'fuck' a lot well that may gain me more attention ... nothing's original, now I'm just repeating what I say. Thank you Scroobius Pip (still an awesome video, see below, thanks, Dee).

Anyway, point is, not a lot is different. Let's look at this point by point, because I like depressing myself.

1. Physical and emotional intimacy from a single, female, partner.

Yeah, well. Some. We shared a discussion last night about her novel, I guess that counts as intimacy of a sort. She still couldn't show me any of the novel itself, nor really describe it, everything was at one step removed. It has been read by others, just not by me.

2. Security of need - to know that I will be supported and desired.

In fairness, she does support me. It is clear and it is earnestly done. I am not desired.

3. To be loved for who I am and to love in return.

Tough. How does one define love? I suspect that I cannot ever know this. An unrealistic 'want'?

4. To be complimented once in a while.


5. When I say things like "I'm fat" to be told the pointless lie "I still love you".

Nope. Isn't this point 4 repeated? Nothing's original. Ziggy tells me that there's an 80% chance that if I keep writing this shit, Al can make it a pop hit. But Al's an alcoholic and I'm semi-schizophrenic. Also, less like Scroobius Pip, I think I can safely say that I don't do much to make this happen. An asked for compliment isn't worth anything, it is what is done unbidden in which you see things as they are. And I don't do anything unbidden these days. Even the novel thing last night was at her request.

6. To have playful and experimental experiences that may, or may not, lead to sex.

Have a humourless laugh.

7. To leave with a kiss goodbye, arrive home to a kiss hello. Hell, to kiss once in a while.

At my instigation, sort of. We did hold hands on a walk for a bit today. But like friends, you know, no frisson or anything beyond affection. Is that so base? I suspect that it is base.

8. To come first once in a while and be able to allow my partner to come first too. And no, not in a sexual sense.

Latter part done. Done. And still being done. We are hammering her novel because, in my words, it is part of Tilly's self-actualisation.

9. To dress safely and be able to talk about that fully. To have someone understand the liberation it brings to me and accept it, even if they don't want anything else to do with it.

As far away from that as I ever was. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

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