|It's Kate Moss apparently.|
I don't know what that means...
A bit of background: after giving birth Tilly found she needed a well-fitted swimsuit and got a tankini from a big name with odd measurements that fit well when she was breastfeeding. Since we moved we have been swimming more often, something about having a leisure centre nigh on our doorstep I imagine. In our last visit Tilly commented that it was time she switched back to a more normal swimsuit. But didn't, obviously. Then, at some point in the last week or so, she's lost the swimming costume and so I had (had?) to go and get a new one (or a selection of new ones) for her to try. It was in this errand that I found myself furtling through a large selection of women's clothing and sighing internally for the lack of opportunity to indulge that I've had recently. I've had a dressing dare to do for a good month that I'd love to carry out and get pictures of - I know, me, wanting pictures! Madness!
And so, yes, I reflect on the fact that it's been a good long while, since before the holidays began I think, since I have been able to indulge in that rare pleasure of dressing. It's one of the unseen consequences of trying to be a bit more physical with Tilly I suppose in that we go to bed at roughly the same time a bit more often and so there just aren't the opportunities to do so alone. The mornings have been out, I've been having a beer a night on average, as I end up getting up with the children and can't really abandon them to go and dress up on my own! Nor can I, of course, do it anywhere near them. This may be rather autistic of me, but I don't see why beyond Tilly's moratorium on so doing. Mind you, I take a little exception at the sign at the swimming pool that says nudity is not permitted for any reason for anyone of any age in or around the pool or outside locked doors in the changing rooms. Bugger that, says I, especially for young children. I hope I shall never teach my own children that their naked bodies are a source of shame and embarrassment - maybe challenging for others - but rather that they should be seen as the most perfect instruments that they will ever own and a joy for them to discover and use.
I think, perhaps, I have already failed on that one. Ah well.
|Holy cow! That looks like ME when I was|
four! Though he's got a bracelet, no way
that was happening to me at that age.
The other funny thing about the swimming costume thing with Tilly was her reason for enjoying the new one, and her reason for wearing control top pants at the wedding: that they 'hugged her close' and just upped her confidence levels. It actually had very little to do with the physical effects (though she claimed this was the primary reason, she accepted that they made very little appreciable physical difference) and everything to do with how it made her feel. This was especially apparent in trying to choose between two different types of costume to keep - one had an open lower back and the other did not - in which she confessed that they were both fine for her as they felt snug. The fact that one revealed more than the other was irrelevant insofar as they both had the same confidence building effect of making her waist feel snug.
It's that feeling that I am chasing after when I dress. Snug so that I feel more confident and held.
Well, that escalated quickly!