Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Saturday, 9 August 2014


It's Kate Moss apparently.
I don't know what that means...
Just as I was ruminating how long it has been since I have managed to dress I spy a post from Linda Marie who has just managed to find time to actually go ahead and do that. With a look that I have been mulling over for a while no less, the whole heels under jeans thing (and the ruffled sleeveless blouse, but less that) has been something that I have been wanting to try and even looked at jeans yesterday in the market to see if there were a female pair that would fit. This, of course, is slightly hampered by the fact that since I last dressed I have gained some weight and I'm no longer certain what my waist size is (it used to be a pretty consistent 12 in most makes) so that's a bit of a bummer. It was also somewhat compounded by the mercy-mission to get Tilly a swimsuit this morning.

A bit of background: after giving birth Tilly found she needed a well-fitted swimsuit and got a tankini from a big name with odd measurements that fit well when she was breastfeeding. Since we moved we have been swimming more often, something about having a leisure centre nigh on our doorstep I imagine. In our last visit Tilly commented that it was time she switched back to a more normal swimsuit. But didn't, obviously. Then, at some point in the last week or so, she's lost the swimming costume and so I had (had?) to go and get a new one (or a selection of new ones) for her to try. It was in this errand that I found myself furtling through a large selection of women's clothing and sighing internally for the lack of opportunity to indulge that I've had recently. I've had a dressing dare to do for a good month that I'd love to carry out and get pictures of - I know, me, wanting pictures! Madness!

This is the one. In searching for this
image I discovered that it is
actually designed as 'tummy-control'.
I resent the fact that anyone feels
the need to have that as a selling point
but recognise the feeling as something
that I view as positive myself.

Does that make me any more of a
hypocrite than normal?
Then there was the revelation that Tilly had been wearing the control top pants that I had been eyeing up lately at a wedding we attended. She felt that the swimsuit was doing a similar job. She did look rather stunning, but then I don't think she's got all that much to be controlling.

And so, yes, I reflect on the fact that it's been a good long while, since before the holidays began I think, since I have been able to indulge in that rare pleasure of dressing. It's one of the unseen consequences of trying to be a bit more physical with Tilly I suppose in that we go to bed at roughly the same time a bit more often and so there just aren't the opportunities to do so alone. The mornings have been out, I've been having a beer a night on average, as I end up getting up with the children and can't really abandon them to go and dress up on my own! Nor can I, of course, do it anywhere near them. This may be rather autistic of me, but I don't see why beyond Tilly's moratorium on so doing. Mind you, I take a little exception at the sign at the swimming pool that says nudity is not permitted for any reason for anyone of any age in or around the pool or outside locked doors in the changing rooms. Bugger that, says I, especially for young children. I hope I shall never teach my own children that their naked bodies are a source of shame and embarrassment - maybe challenging for others - but rather that they should be seen as the most perfect instruments that they will ever own and a joy for them to discover and use.

I think, perhaps, I have already failed on that one. Ah well.

Holy cow! That looks like ME when I was
four! Though he's got a bracelet, no way
that was happening to me at that age.
We have also started potty-training the Boy. What an odd phrase. My father shared something that happened to him, I think I blogged about it, and the term has taken on a sinister edge ever since. I mean, there's no training actually involved. All Tilly and I do is not put a nappy on the Boy in a morning and take any off when we get home after a long journey and leave a potty around where he can find it. Boom, job done, and there have been very few accidents indeed. With these we commiserate and mop up but that's all and we don't say anything about it if he doesn't. Seems to have worked well. I confess that I have slipped into a little congratulation when he does use the potty but I feel I have lived without any kind of genuine congratulation or encouragement in my own childhood not to over-compensate in return.

The other funny thing about the swimming costume thing with Tilly was her reason for enjoying the new one, and her reason for wearing control top pants at the wedding: that they 'hugged her close' and just upped her confidence levels. It actually had very little to do with the physical effects (though she claimed this was the primary reason, she accepted that they made very little appreciable physical difference) and everything to do with how it made her feel. This was especially apparent in trying to choose between two different types of costume to keep - one had an open lower back and the other did not - in which she confessed that they were both fine for her as they felt snug. The fact that one revealed more than the other was irrelevant insofar as they both had the same confidence building effect of making her waist feel snug.

It's that feeling that I am chasing after when I dress. Snug so that I feel more confident and held.

Well, that escalated quickly!


  1. Joanna, thanks for the very nice comment you left on my blog.

    I hope you have some Joanna time soon. It had been a very long time since I was able to dress and it was very frustrating. Dressing yesterday was lovely. The only problem is that it's so nice that I can't wait for the next opportunity.

    1. You are very welcome. I missed out the part above where I am glad that you finally got some dressing time. Long gaps are indeed very frustrating for a whole swathe of reasons. I hope you find time again soon!


All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!