Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Longing

More fitting for my age.
I'm about to head off to Tilly's parents, ish, for a few days. There's the results from my school in the morning, where I shall find out the shape of the coming year - will they support the 'hand's off' approach that's been taken to my new job by my bosses and thus allow me to continue in the happiness of a place that shows trust or will they show me up? There's an element of stress creeping in, not helped by the fact that I've not yet managed to get into work this holiday. Part of this is me and part of this is Tilly. She keeps pushing it back, I'd like to keep bobbing in now and again, but it's hard to push for that. Maybe next year I shall manage to push that a little better if tomorrow goes well. I shall have the mental fortitude for it.

And I'm listening to that Proms performance by the Pet Shop Boys again. It remains haunting. I think it grows on you. But then I am something of a fangirl, as I have previously discussed on here ad nauseam.


The day has been okay. Full of parenting and beer brewing (I'm still trying to make a raspberry beer work). And so has the time been so far. Lots of parenting - a Girlie who has been trying lately and a Boy who has started to join in now that she is calming. He mashed this laptop earlier and I told him off and his reaction was terrifying. He was me and I was my father. It was horrible. I'm not sure the hug and talk afterward did much fixing. I suck at that kind of thing.

Most of life in the UK methinks.
Storms in a teacup abound online, of course they do, with Catherine managing to make me feel down in a way that few people I know can manage. I know I have inadvertantly insulted her right back, but I ask for forgiveness and she does not. Mind you, forgiveness was not forthcoming last time. Well, it was, I just checked, just a month or so later. Sorry, smoke and mirrors, be more honest, Joanna! Right, I gave a backhanded compliment to one of her stories when I should just have been nice about them all (basically, I liked one less than the others, the most recent) and she got a bit huffy. Passive aggression followed and I was tipsy enough to call her on it. Badly. Anyway, yes, I tried to solve it and she accepted. Right now there's a conversation ongoing about how men could best support women in Feminism and there's a diversionary misogynist (as ever) and Catherine is directly engaging him on my post but not me. Of course. I was also put-down slightly several times as she engages the fellow. I know, I know, I have a very thin skin when on my primary account but... still.

From where a lot of the issues began. This was the top of the
road I moved onto back in 2006. Taken before I met Tilly but
it was here, this house, that pretty much caused her PTSD
(no, seriously) that she now suffers with.
Vanessa has cost us again. Another £500 because there's more damage around the catalytic converter and exhaust pipe. Good thing I did the extra marking. I suspect, as always, there will be no actual extra savings from the extra but it will be eaten in emergency costs. I think that's how it's going to go for the rest of my life now, I run to keep up and keeping up is enough.

Physical affection is running down again. Of course it is. Tilly's fond of me, I'll give her that, and she cares for me. But she's not in love with me and I suspect that I am also realising that I am not really in love with her any more either. It's only been three weeks, I shouldn't really call it off yet.

Been reading Three Men in a Boat and I can heartily recommend it to anyone who wishes to read a stand-up in text format from the late 1800s in the UK - no, seriously, there's an aspect of Izzard or Dylan Moran in it that I quite enjoy. I've also been having a beer a night and stacking up beer reviews for my drab blog elsewhere on the internets. I haven't been posting them here because, well, I get the impression that they weren't really fitting in so well. I say that with no malice, I just think that this place is developing, once again, into something that doesn't really need beer reviews any more.

And thus this is where I stand before going dark for a bit.

Blurry and shit, but that's ME curtseying and
so I find it more meaningful.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!