|That's... actually not a bad representation of my body language.|
Would that I had the poise and the clothes and hair to match.
|It's just basic multiplication after all. Hardly rocket science.|
No, wait, that's exactly what rocket science is. Damn. I mean...
well, it's just numbers. Nothing complicated.
In the meantime, the Girlie has been ill and now the Boy has taken up the mantle. Cue Tilly complaining of similar symptoms (she's now been 'ill' or 'under the weather' every day for four months) and thus the progress I thought we were making is knocked back. We're still hugging and we still wish each other good morning and sometimes even touch during the night (hands and arms and hair) but it is still all initiated by me and the kissing is still very chaste. Rarely on the lips, rarely for very long, and all initiated by me. We are planning an evening watching a DVD for our wedding anniversary coming up and I am sad a little because I already know that there will be no sex. I know, I know, but it's been a while and part of me still hopes that we can start doing stuff like that again and learn a few things about how to please one another.
Oh, who am I kidding? I want to be pleased physically for once. I should like Tilly to actually make an effort to do something for me, to initiate something (not necessarily sex) and touch me. Ask what I would like her to do and then to try it. Maybe even kiss me first, you know, and look like she's enjoying it. It's not likely though. Why should that change on an anniversary when our marriage night, and the subsequent honeymoon, involved no actual touching at all and most of the time since then has been pretty barren. After marriage it was over a year before we rutted to produce the Boy. And rutting it was.
No, things are better than they were, which is why I'm talking about sadness rather than frustration and anger but it doesn't mean there's no certain kind of melancholy. And now I'm channeling Gotye, lovely.