Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Illness and Greed

That's... actually not a bad representation of my body language.
Would that I had the poise and the clothes and hair to match.
Part of the reason for the radio silence, as I hinted, was having extra work on the go. I cannot complain, the rate per script was increased and cranked up until I can quite happily say that we aren't going to risk debt (apart from the mortgage) any time soon. Which is rather nice, and unusual. Mainly I undertake extra work around this time of year for a specific cost (having children and taking paternity cover for example, or our wedding) or it gets eaten by random expenses (moving house, car exploding) and so, for the first time, I may actually come out on top.

It's just basic multiplication after all. Hardly rocket science.

No, wait, that's exactly what rocket science is. Damn. I mean...
well, it's just numbers. Nothing complicated.
Of course, as I love playing with numbers, I started to get ahead of myself. I worked out prices of things in numbers of scripts to be marked (I can get accurate to two or three decimal places) and then began to fantasise about how much extra money I could bring in if I started to mark at different rates. Greed, in other words, became a feature of my planning and, as is usual when I get ahead of myself, I got brought back to Earth with a bump of sorts when those that I had gathered ran out before I had finished. This is no bad thing, and hardly a bump, but for me it was a tad disappointing. It does mean I have more time to start on here properly again.

In the meantime, the Girlie has been ill and now the Boy has taken up the mantle. Cue Tilly complaining of similar symptoms (she's now been 'ill' or 'under the weather' every day for four months) and thus the progress I thought we were making is knocked back. We're still hugging and we still wish each other good morning and sometimes even touch during the night (hands and arms and hair) but it is still all initiated by me and the kissing is still very chaste. Rarely on the lips, rarely for very long, and all initiated by me. We are planning an evening watching a DVD for our wedding anniversary coming up and I am sad a little because I already know that there will be no sex. I know, I know, but it's been a while and part of me still hopes that we can start doing stuff like that again and learn a few things about how to please one another.

Oh, who am I kidding? I want to be pleased physically for once. I should like Tilly to actually make an effort to do something for me, to initiate something (not necessarily sex) and touch me. Ask what I would like her to do and then to try it. Maybe even kiss me first, you know, and look like she's enjoying it. It's not likely though. Why should that change on an anniversary when our marriage night, and the subsequent honeymoon, involved no actual touching at all and most of the time since then has been pretty barren. After marriage it was over a year before we rutted to produce the Boy. And rutting it was.

No, things are better than they were, which is why I'm talking about sadness rather than frustration and anger but it doesn't mean there's no certain kind of melancholy. And now I'm channeling Gotye, lovely.

No comments:

Post a Comment

All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!