Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Adrenaline

What do I want? A question I oft return to but never satisfactorily answer. It is something I think I'm going to have to try and answer soon I think. Since learning the term "sexless marriage" and reading about others in them I am learning that most are very much the same in fundamentals and I'm going to have to start seriously thinking about where I go from here. That's the trouble with learning new things - one cannot un-know what is known. New thoughts and knowledge requires new paradigms.


So, what do I want? In broad terms I have the following:

1. Physical and emotional intimacy from a single, female, partner.
2. Security of need - to know that I will be supported and desired.
3. To be loved for who I am and to love in return.
4. To be complimented once in a while.
5. When I say things like "I'm fat" to be told the pointless lie "I still love you".
6. To have playful and experimental experiences that may, or may not, lead to sex. Indeed, they may not work, they may fail totally. But to share them, enjoy them, laugh about them and then try again. For these to not have the pressure that they lead to orgasm and sex but be able to accept they might and that not be a bad thing.
7. To leave with a kiss goodbye, arrive home to a kiss hello. Hell, to kiss once in a while.
8. To come first once in a while and be able to allow my partner to come first too. And no, not in a sexual sense.
9. To dress safely and be able to talk about that fully. To have someone understand the liberation it brings to me and accept it, even if they don't want anything else to do with it.


That's all I've got at the moment.



Things wind up. Anger is vented online. And now I have been approached, note that, approached by an online Domme offering to get in touch. I am... well, a little taken aback. Flattered too, I think.

So, just to recap, I have a non-intimate relationship (she's now ill with a cold, that is confirmed, we are go for a cold people!) at home and over five months of drought with no prospect of that ending or even becoming more affectionate on one hand and, on the other a Domme (who it may cost to speak to) and a free trial for the dating site that Tilly and I met on in my e-mail inbox.

I'm almost tempted, you know, but I'm equally certain that embracing it would lead to all kinds of problems.

2 comments:

  1. Yeah, the temptation won't lead to anything healthy, if you still think your marriage can be saved. I like your list. Well thought-out, and entirely reasonable. I wish you could find someone that would read it willingly and discuss it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. Temptation rarely leads down positive paths.

      I wonder, if I ever do, what will be down to my fault, what will be unworkable and wrong and what will be clingy.

      Delete

All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!