Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Saturday, 15 February 2014

Article time!

I have Linda to thank for this next one and it gave me food for thought given the developments in my life over the last few days.

This is of Brian and Debbie. It is a great picture. For many
many reasons. None of them are related to physical
appearance.
You can find the article here. I find it fascinating on a number of levels, especially as, increasingly, I was finding almost no reference to that idea that one could simply be a man that liked wearing women's clothes and had no real desire to be a female full time. Indeed, Brian's acceptance that he could never pass, and not even wanting to try, I find refreshing and empowering in a way that I'll confess makes no sense. I also totally get why he sees Debbie as the hero of the story - in many ways, she is. Perhaps she shouldn't be but she totally is. Much respect and props to her for accepting Brian and loving him. In that order.


This resonates particularly at the moment because of this post (and the subsequent comments section, well worth a read!) and the videos contained there (I still haven't watched the second part as of this writing). It also hits home because of the discussions I've had with Tilly about Valentine's recently.

After all, Valentimes is serious times!






Eh, close enough!
In the run up to the day itself Tilly confided that she was disappointed. It came after she discovered my plans to surprise her. She had expressed a desire to get an obnoxiously pink bin and toilet brush for the loo, but had bottled out of it as the price was a little higher than she was willing to pay and bought a chrome loo brush to match the chrome bin we already had. I told her she was being silly as she could have saved money by going straight for what she wanted and waiting a while to save up. After a brief rumination she agreed and instead abandoned her plans. I, naturally, decided to surprise her by going a few stages further: I would get the bin, the toilet brush and a toilet seat in the same colour and set it all up before going to work. I would also get some artificial roses, some real roses and a card.




But the toilet brush is the same purple, the floor is
beech and there's a purple bin on the other side of
the loo.

Aren't you glad I've gone into so much detail about
our toilet?
Tilly then started buying purple bathroom items and was moving towards getting stuff for the toilet too. I managed to fob her off once but, a week later and still with a week to the day itself, she made more moves. I had to reveal my plans for the toilet. She was happy and sad that she had ruined the surprise (well, in fairness, she didn't ruin the surprise, I did out of fear that it would become irrelevant if left longer). The following day I replaced the stuff I'd bought with purple stuff and Tilly revealed that she thought she would be on her period on the day itself. I shrugged, wouldn't be the first time and it's not like we have much sex anyway, and expressed sympathy as her periods are pretty awful for her.

She became quite explicit that her main issue was the lack of being able to have sex. I was pleasantly shocked but didn't really know what to say. Then, on the day itself, flowers left for her in the morning, Tilly explained that she had planned to get sexy underthings and surprise me with them (on her, by the by) but had been unable to do so due to feeling ill and on her period. She suggested that she may do so in the future.


And this image, from that site that spawned a huge
conversation, helps to sum up part of why I am SO
uneasy about the scenario whilst, at the same time,
being rather turned on by the whole concept.

It's called "consent". The site is here:
http://anntagonist.files.wordpress.com/
And I am uneasy about this. The trope of women buying underwear for their partner's sake rather than their own is one that I've grown up with, something I find myself quite excited about, but at the same time it is an unhealthy trope. Consider: what if she finds something she thinks I will like, swallows any misgivings she has but then I don't actually like it - I, of course, will be unsatisfied but say nothing and so will she. No one wins. Or, perhaps she finds something that she thinks I will like and I do but she does not. Again, no one really wins there as she will be forcing something she doesn't like and that will affect the experiences that we both have. Or, she finds something that she likes and I do not, which is fine but hardly a present for me (which is also fine but not her stated aim). Finally, there's the best scenario but, as I won't be involved in the decision-making process, this is unlikely.

Now, the concept that I would have to be involved in the decision-making process is a chilling one. Why should I have any input into Tilly's underwear? I wouldn't expect her to have any input in my choices of the same.

Don't get me wrong, I am flattered, I am just a little uneasy about it.

Thus back to the article. I'd sooner have that acceptance of my choices than have Tilly try to please me through her own choices. We should be about respecting each other's choices more than about trying to second guess each other's preferences in sexy times. Especially as, generally speaking, I'm less interested in PIV sex than she thinks I am or than I think she is. I would like to explore more orally and mutual masturbationary than I think she would even like to think about, let alone try, and that is disquieting too. I mean, I think she might actually like it, but she is conditioned to think of sex as PIV only (no, really) and believe that foreplay (and afterplay) is something that men don't want, regardless of what I actually say on the matter. Or she really doesn't enjoy foreplay either. Hell, she's not even a fan of climaxing!

I need a new tag. One that denotes TMI!

2 comments:

  1. I read the article as well as your thoughts about it a week ago. I've been called back time and again to ponder its implications. It is tough to get one's mind around their particular lifestyle bent. It just seems different and missing the usual bases. But what it emphatically conjures is that cross-dressing is so much more than it seems superficially, with individual journeys following their own paths and practices reasons personal to each individual. In my own experience those reasons being most definitely plural. And those reasons being very changeable from 12 to 18, 30 and 40. And those reasons being perhaps different today than yesterday's which might be the same as tomorrow's.

    Since my own is a mostly sex blog, just sign me out as anonymous.

    JamieLin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you JamieLin. Yes, it's an odd artticle.

      And cross-dressing is always different, as are the reasons, yes. I'd nod sagely but for the fact that I am no sage.

      Nothing wrong with a sex blog, by the by, nothing wrong at all.

      Delete

All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!