Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Fascinating

Sharpe's Totty - Jane Gibbons, who will
become his wife out of gratitude, wise
up and then attempt to destroy him.
Sharpe's Regiment on the telly, good ole DVDs, and no take out. We were visited by spirits thr- uh, a friend of mine from University and his family. They are pretty much the epitome of the mainstream that we, as a family, eschew with our silly ideas on home-schooling/educating and vaguely leftie politics (I'd claim anarchistic but for the fact that I am part of the power establishment as a teacher). It was a good day, all told, and the Sharpe on the TV was a nice enough end to that. So, after it finished, I replied to the wonderful comments left by Rhiannon (see her blog for some stunningly uplifting and positive stuff lately) and Calvin who have done what people such as they do best - make me feel nice and good about myself.

As I am dutifully looking up dressing services (another post methinks) as suggested by Rhi, Tilly pipes up having discovered a post on Facebook from a fellow non-mainstream parent about make-up. They were talking about how they have shown what it is and how it works to their daughter - talking to them without wearing make-up about how make-up is a mask people wear etc. Now, Tilly's beef with this was that, if people want to wear make-up, they should be allowed to. The way, she says, to deal with it, is to be frank and to be honest. Whilst she would discourage our two from wearing it she would buy some in if it turned out that it was a big thing for either or both of them. She said that the main issue was, and I'll try to quote exactly, when something became powerful in the negative, that is, when one did not do it. "I have no problem," she said "with people doing things they want to do, but I do if not doing it makes people unhappy with their identity".

Societal constructs.
Given our previous non-conversation when round at her cousin's (Sierra and Pik) I pondered for a while before putting forward a two-pronged response. 1. that personal choice about things like make-up doesn't really exist and is, itself, a perpetuation of societal artifices and 2. if it were really about personal choice we would see more men with make-up and such on. What's good for the gander and all that. I then explained further that if she, Tilly, were to be forced to go without make-up for any prolonged period of time it would have a detrimental effect on her identity and who she thought she was. Tilly disagreed, with pretty much every point, arguing for 1 that if we were to subject everything to the analysis then it becomes meaningless to associate anything with society and so we ought to simply not bother (I disagree on the grounds that genderised stuff like this is harmful and said so). With 2 she argued that if the Boy wished to wear make-up she would have no trouble. the unspoken addition about my predilections being abnormal and her lack of support for them was not voiced. Of herself, Tilly simply said no.

Is this what I do to Tilly?
Intriguingly, in a dispassionate analysis at any rate, Tilly became quite fierce and angry very quickly in our discussion. I suggested that we stop as it was clear that I had struck a nerve without meaning to. Well, only partly, I am aware of what nerve I struck. She agreed. After some frosty silence she suggested, again quite fiercely and with an angry tone, that the reason she was angry was with herself that she was not making her meaning clear. I, knowing where the conversation was going, simply said that I could see her meaning and where she was heading. It has been left there.

ADDENDUM: a rather heated discussion later and Tilly says I "always make [her] feel shitty about [her] choices" because I push the whole aspect of challenge. It actually is the same conversation but with a different topic.

The double standard is fascinating.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for the shout out and the feedback :o) Having gone through a down period for a while, its really nice to be a positive head space - and its amazing how Rhiannon time always helps with that.

    Sounds like an interesting, albeit frustrating conversation about what wasn't said! I have to own up to actually really liking make up. I dislike my old, haggard, tired face and love the effect of confidence I can gain through some well applied make up. Probably would be considered shallow, but I actually smile at myself when I have it on in a way that I would never otherwise do. Practically speaking, therein lies the rub.

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome, it is much deserved! It's nice to have positive head space and the least we can do is celebrate that as much as it deserves - well, we won't manage that much! But we can try! :)

      And yes, I get you about make-up, twas the other wide of the unspoken conversation - I DO like wearing makeup and it has nothing to do with how I LOOK and everything to do with how it makes me FEEL. So... yes, I get what you say there.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!