Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Friday, 25 October 2013

Young, but I'm not that bold

Ah, that's what I need: a hat!
Oh, and a cool apron.
I want to try these beers...
Hops have been added to the beer and I've read the instructions properly - I have to ferment it after I have done it the first time for a further 14 days, hence I'm going to need a barrel of some description. However, the joy of half term coming up means that I shall have time to look into and possibly purchase such a thing. Also, last night, I had a night out with new colleagues at a snooker club. I still can't play snooker to save my life but it was a good night. I have an actual bona fide social group at work, this is a pleasant surprise, and I also still have contact with one or two friends back where I used to work, which was equally pleasantly surprising (we communicated via text). Tensions remain at home where Tilly is finding it hard to deal with Girlie, who is still hating having moved. Girlie's latest tactic has been to try and make life so difficult for everyone that Tilly will give up and we'll be forced to move back to where we were. I explained tonight that this cannot happen. I'm not certain how successful I was but I think a little of my own experience moving with less than supportive parents that I shared may have made a little positive difference - allowing her to realise how much Tilly is trying to help the transition.

Always helpful to know.
I also heard an interesting piece on Radio 4's PM show with Eddie Mair today on the way back from work about trans* people. I didn't hear the full thing but I hope to listen to it later on iPlayer. One of the things that got me thinking was a statement that "eleven is awfully young to have firm ideas about something as fundamental as gender identity, isn't it?" when commenting on the story of one youngster who, at the age of four, had stated that they were the wrong gender and ended up transitioning at age eleven. I first heard something similar when working at my last place during a workshop run by Stonewall where they would bring up someone from the watching crowd and ask them when they knew they were straight. They would push further - when did they tell their parents? Was it hard to come out to others as straight? How could they know they weren't gay? When did they make the decision? Obviously, the point was soon made that these were pretty ridiculous questions - straight people (and by correlation, gay people) know that they are gay or straight as much as anyone knows anything about themselves. In much the same way I find it very strange how people question trans* people's decisions about their own gender.

On the radio it was interesting to hear the mother of a MTF
explaining that they kinda knew when she started playing
with dolls and dress up. She did say that this was very
stereotypical. But I have always seen outdoor stuff like
this as being the preserve of girls. That is, I have always
identified more with tomboys than I did with either actual
boys or girls when I was growing up.
Adventurous, outdoorsy, play was a 'girl thing' as far as I
was concerned growing up.
Put another way, non-trans* children of age four identifying as a particular societal gender role that fits their physical form in societally approved ways, even self identifying within a normative binary gender model, are assumed to be perfectly able to express that. No one says: "isn't eleven a bit young to have a firm idea that you were born the right gender?" but it's fine for that argument to be levelled at something that is not as socially acceptable. Indeed, as home schoolers (is that even the right term?) Tilly and I get some odd comments from people. They say things like "have you checked out local schools? After all, you can't assume you'll be home schooling forever!" But no one ever says to people sending their children to school that they should look into home schooling because they can't assume that they will always send their child to school. Surely it should apply equally both ways?

I Hate You!

Yeah, I didn't say that, but only because I didn't know that
it was an option to say that to a parent in a teenage
tantrum
Equally, it got me thinking. I've said before that as a youngster I always felt an outsider and unsure of myself. I have detailed some emotional neglect (or perceived emotional neglect) from my parents. Yet... I have never self-identified as female. But I did get very angry and upset in my teen years about dating. My mother suggested that I should take on board a regimen like my younger brother in order to appear more 'manly' and thus attractive to females. She recommended that I take a more active role and be more forward generally, as society expects of males. I keenly remember my reaction - I ended up crying with rage and frustration and yelling that I was not a 'man'. I have never really read much into that incident, always assuming that it came down to my own inability to articulate my feelings and mother's inability to behave with anything approaching compassion. However, looking at that in light of the article on the radio (and it's something that really ought to have been looked at before now) I wonder if that is my own assertion of gender identity. That is, I do not self-identify as male but nor do I strictly self-identify as female.

I've said it before: I rather like my male parts (but that doesn't preclude a curiosity about female plumbing or breasts when dressed) but I do not feel I 'fit' what male seems to mean - in that regard there are more aspects of my personality and outlook that more closely approximate the female definitions in society. And I know this on an instinctive, rather than rational and carefully evidence-based, way. As a child I 'got' femininity more than I 'got' masculinity (without knowing either term) and thus have always more easily identified with females than males (on the whole, there are exceptions, my hetero-normative sex-life and relationship experience for example).

No, I have no idea what this post was about either. I suppose the more pressing questions are:



What does the fox say? (everything they say it says, by the by)


What's the meaning of Stonehenge?


And, of course, now my signature:

Thanks for stopping by!

No comments:

Post a Comment

All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!