Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Still pissed

She's famous, right? She's also
So, the fire has not died. It's a random rant that has little place here except for the fact that I promised to be honest and this is my place to be honest. More on my transition from one place of work to another. It's much the same as the last one, if I'm honest, but I'm still working through it, it seems.

Going to be a Head of Department the first time was marred by many things. I came as a new broom, employed to shake things up and lead the change I had identified as being needed when I went to interview. I started doing everything all at once. But there was resistance from a member of staff that needed work, and I failed to carry her. I had to work against her after she decided that I was the enemy. My ex-colleagues forgot that. Both my subsequent bosses forgot, or didn't believe it, but I am implacable and I do not make an easy enemy. Even when I am beaten I will come back and fight on. And on. And on. Even in leaving I won.

Two years of hard fight and there were more in the offing. I had a child. I could not fight as I used to. No longer could I ride at the head of the charge, I was being pulled by a higher calling. Not without regrets at the job unfinished, the promise undelivered, the battle still fought, I left and returned to a safer environment. But I was different. I had helped a colleague leave the profession. I had fought a battle and I had emerged victorious but at the cost of any friendship. I threatened my old and future Head by my very presence. I had removed a non-hacker. He had become that non-hacker and knew it. I did not.

He struck first. But I struck back, in a way that he did not expect. Because I am implacable. I outlasted but I did not win. Nor did he. Then came a new contender. I opened, when I should have shut, and I paid the price. But lack of experience failed to destroy me. But I left and they outlasted. I do not regret this in the final analysis. I regret my desire to stay on good terms. I regret my lack of courage. I regret the shortness of my leaving speech and the equivocal nature of it. But I do not regret leaving. The job had changed. No longer about our charges but about numbers. And I can make stats march and dance to my bidding. When people challenge my stats something is wrong. And it's not my stats.

So I am happy. Because I have won. It is not perfect. There are issues, there is low level shiz that I am not used to having to deal with, but there is personality and there is compassion. There is understanding. There is quality. And I am not misunderstood. I am understood. I am understood. I am understood. So I am not afraid.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!