Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Sunday, 8 September 2013

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While I don't want to be a female I do feel
that I would like to share what she is
feeling right now.
Over the weekend I went home to visit. It was good to see the Girlie and the Boy again face to face. It was good to interact with them again too. It wasn't all good though, of course, Tilly had had her hands full all week and so very little had been done to pack the house up. Or even clean it. I don't blame her for this, I blame me. It's pretty mad with two little ones and home schooling and stress and lack of sleep, I know this from when they were first born. It meant that the house was a tip, the floor was full of crumbs and ripped toilet paper and ripped paper and bits of chalk and general detritus, in every room. It meant that every available surface was covered in a collection of mail, papers, colouring in, drinks glasses, half empty plates, dry clothes, wet clothes, dirty clothes and dust. Tilly had managed to pack two boxes in the week. This all stressed me out - I am to blame for this by being absent, you see - I did not deal well.

But it did cause me to assess why I dress again. So I guess that this post will be another look at that aspect of my life.

Happy Families is a card game. It is not, alas, anything that
lasts. I doubt that such a thing is even real.
It's not that I want to be a woman, I've been through that. I have certain societal privileges bestowed by being male, for a start, and the right to pretty much do as I wish is dear to me. I would not wish to change that. There are, of course, limitations on male behaviour that include the wearing of female designed clothes. So although there is a slight disadvantage, I would not swap that for the general pressures of being female, if you see what I mean. Basically put: the right for men to behave as women in clothing pales in comparison with the rights denied women even in developed nations (like the right to body control, agency and the like).

It's not that I want to pass as a woman. I love the female form, I love the way that it can be and can be used. I have yet to see a physically unattractive female (let's leave character out of this for now). However, that's just it. I love that form precisely because it is not my form. So, whilst I like the female form I have no real desire to wear it permanently in public - maybe a short while for a limited audience but... No, I like my beard too much.

See, like that. But my face, not hers.
I do, however, want to shave my legs. I want to shave my armpits. I want to feel a skirt billowing about me. Tilly is looking at buying a cloak for winter - green wool with slits for her hands and a hood - and that's the sort of thing I dream about. I bought Tilly pink roses when I went home and I wish someone, Tilly mainly, would buy me pink roses. I want to smell nice, like Tilly does, rather than rough and sweat soaked like I do, even with deodorant (especially with deodorant). I want long hair that I can colour and style. None of this has to be 'female' per se but it is not considered masculine. I want to be shorter so that wearing heels makes me look normal sized and so that my weight is actually normal for my height. I weigh 142lbs, I'd be happy for that to be a good weight for my height rather than my height making me underweight.

I want someone to run to me and hug me after time apart. I'd love it if it were Tilly or one of my children. In the former case I'd enjoy a frisson of sexual feeling too. But that doesn't, won't, happen.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!