|This is the Vagenda's pic on Twitter, I guess it fits nicely.|
Yeah, I know, I'm whining again. I would be terribly unsurprised if you didn't want to read another self-serving and whiny post on the subject from me again so don't feel the need to click the 'read more' below. It's confessional and therefore one of 'those' posts. Look, I promise I'll make up for it later, we're having take out and I may even have a beer. Pop back later and see if I got round to reviewing it. Or else go to Vagenda and have a read of the articles there because they are well-written and relevant for the most part.
|I know! Shocking.|
Relations were resumed, as I spoke about on this blog, on or around 15 April. This lasted for about three occasions and then there was the Never Ending Period that lasted for about two months and then... well, nothing. I tried to do as requested, in that I took charge of the time and the place, but was firmly but politely told no each time. I stopped asking as often and we're back now to whenever I bring it up being told that I think of nothing else. Since the beginning of July I've asked twice. To be told that I never stop asking is... well, it seems a little insulting. This most recent time Tilly told me in no uncertain terms "at least not until we've moved". We're looking at a date just before I go back to work, so that will likely prevent me from 'taking charge' for a while - I get stressed in new jobs and want to make sure things are done, so I lack the headspace for romantical liaisons - we've seen this in action once before as a couple.
I can therefore only assume that she does not enjoy sex with me. Certainly she won't talk about sex at all. And I do mean at all. I can make some risque jokes but that's as far as it can go, woe betide me going further than what is acceptable before the watershed or even complimenting her on her sexual attractiveness (brains, body and everything else). I am Not Allowed to talk turkey about periods, enjoyment of sex, how to please her, fantasies, fan fiction involving sex, positions, food with sex, food before or after sex, the act of sex, foreplay, romantic gestures (of any kind), oral sex, historical sex, psychology of sex- you get the idea.
I've spoken, at length, of all the things that Tilly categorically won't do. And I wonder. See, my mad-ex Toby was a wild child and she said that she had no desire to do any of that with me, I represented a calmer person and way of life. I should not be 'corrupted'. Upon realisation that I was already pretty darn sexually corrupt (and a dick) she dumped me. My first relationship was not interested either, to the point where she was surprised in her second relationship that men would ask for sex. And virtually all other females I have been attracted to have not, in any way, been attracted back. One or two that seem to have been were put off by my complete inability to emote effectively or notice signals.
So, Vagenda, women may well be interested in sex, but I suspect none are terribly interested in it with me. I am the anti-sex, I am a six foot, well almost, tall prophylactic. I am the mood-killer. Tilly wanted children, that is probably the only reason she persevered in the first place, and after the children were had... she relented. Was it out of pity? Desperation? Whatever. The result appears to have been enough to once again quell the fires of lust effectively.
As a typical male I, of course, maintain and harbour perverse sexual lust (thank you, David Willis) for her but, in a patriarchal society with some feminism, that's to be expected, as is the cock-blocking. I'm not moaning about that, I mean, I respect the woman's right to be bothered or not with sex. I guess... I just feel hard-done-to, like always.
We've had a pizza, watched the new Star Trek for the first time and I had a beer. I ought to review it but it's late and I can't be arsed.