|Because, seriously, who wouldn't want to be like Lindsey|
Stirling? Talented, able and well liked.
Okay, so she's a Mormon, gotta have some flaws.
I find myself singing a song in my head (see below) dedicated to and about my job. I realised, around last night, that I have always put my job first, always. Having children back in the day didn't really change much from my point of view but make it impossible to continue on as before, something that I just took about five years to come to terms with. In all that time I have always tried to make other peoples' lives easier in the workplace and received Jack in response. But that is the way of things, I find, increasingly any sign of compromise and willingness is a sign of weakness to be exploited or a sign that one is a victim to be bullied. And I guess I am both weak and a victim!
This is, perhaps, no real revelation given my previous postings on the matter. After all, we know that I have a Martyr Complex and that I tend to be bullied a lot - something that must surely rest on my own character just as much as anything else as I haven't escaped it despite several changes in situation, geography and friendship circle since, well, the beginning. At some point it stops being the fault of 'other people' and comes back to me being me, to me inviting the kind of behaviour that I dislike and fear. So it is that I must take responsibility for my own actions and recognise that there's no one else that will step in for me. My own fantasy of a white knight on a steed is part of the problem. I keep waiting for someone else to sweep in and sort everything out, to take me off on a journey of their making and show me what they can do. In essence, I try to be a passive person, I am not even the protagonist in my own story but the supporting cast for someone else's protagonist.
I might also have cybered with a man who did not know who I was. And that is a Bad Thing. I mean, I knew I was doing it and did it and do not regret it. And today, rubbing salt on that, was a very good day with the family spent in the sunshine and in the open. I even had time to work and discovered that I actually didn't need to do the work I felt was so pressing. But there is a trip on Wednesday, this cannot continue - something will go wrong because I will make sure that it does, consciously or not.
What a penis-head.