Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Friday, 22 March 2013

Explanations

This place has not been updating like it should have been since the end of last year. For example, I went out to bid farewell to a much loved member of my Department last Friday and had some good beers and they weren't reviewed nor the night even mentioned on here. Instead the stress of organising a full day off timetable with outside agencies got to me and I posted here in a stressed milieu rather than simply talking about things that are important to me.

I have now finished watching the Thick of It with Tilly tonight - ostensibly a celebration of having survived the disaster of the day that I organised - and it has left me in a sadder state than before. For a number of reasons. I couldn't sit next to Tilly and then she spent the evening on her laptop. She's ill, so I can't raise my concerns about sex. I mean, it's been three months since we last discussed it but I suspect she will point out the fact that this makes it all I talk about these days. Given the stress of the last week and my generally dark thoughts about my job (having an old colleague return and a new one begin, both of whom are female and both of whom are better than I will ever be, for different reasons: returnee is just bloody good and the newb is an educationalist who can name-drop and use names from cutting edge educational theory tomes) I'm not sure it would reflect well on me. Who wants to have anything to do with a bearded depressive?

O me miseram.

I am indebted to a good friend for giving me something to smile about, and using appellations that shouldn't have the power they do, but they do. Increasingly I look forward to 'Joanna-Time' - yes, I've entered that stage of my journey - online. I look forward to people offering a few more terms of endearment simply because they assume I'm female. And I lie to get those terms of endearment. I lie for that feeling. I lie for that warm glow I get from being called feminine appellations.

Tonight's beer was Greene King's IPA. But I can't bring myself to review it because it came from a can. I read a few blogs about cuckolds. I wonder if they get more from that than I get from my own relationship. Would Tilly prefer it? I mean... I'm fairly certain she gets nothing physically from me, or indeed wants anything physical to develop.


We were discussing flowers the other day, well, I brought up the fact that I found it odd that there were no images on Google of men getting flowers from women (or other men) and wondered aloud why that was. Tilly asked if it was the sort of thing men would want, expecting a negative response, and I honestly replied that I quite like roses. She laughed a bit. Said: "Are you really just sitting there waiting for flowers?"

"No, are you?"

"Well, obviously not."

"But you like it when I buy flowers for you?"

"Yes, but that's different."

And there the conversation ceased. She changed subjects. She, and our spawn, have colds at the moment so there's not a lot else going on.

Wow, way to scattergun the blog, Jo!

2 comments:

  1. I know you put little stock in therapy, but I wonder if couples therapy is something that Tilly would be willing to participate in. I have found that having an impartial mediator allows me to assert myself in ways that were impossible before. And I even feel heard sometimes. Dang!

    Just a thought, because you clearly need more things to think about. JK!!

    Leslie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh!

      I'm glad you feel heard! Everyone deserves a little of that in their lives! And you should assert yourself, Leslie, but you know that!

      I'm not sure I put little stock in therapy, just little stock in getting therapy that would work without extra cost - dotty Uncle NHS does that from time to time when he's not being adorably old and losing money.

      I know what you mean though, having a Union rep in a Support meeting was an empowering experience, and would have been better if he hadn't followed up by saying he agreed with my accusers about my lack of gumption. Anyway, yes, not sure Tilly would be up for that. I rather suspect she will tell me that she didn't think anything was wrong and we'll go round and round in circles before, ultimately, she doesn't agree to go and then leaves things as they are long enough for me to feel rude bringing them up again. :)

      It's not totally Tilly's fault, of course, I'm just as guilty because I say nothing. Reminds me of this:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMkJuDVJdTw
      Ahem, sorry.

      Delete

All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!