Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Try It

Tonight Tilly is out to see Les Miserables at the cinema, which is great - she's not been and done something for just her in forever, well, since the Summer holidays at any rate. Besides, she was, and is, slightly obsessed about Les Mis, she saw the theatre production in London about 35 times, as you do, and knows some of the actors quite well as a result. Hell, she went to meals with a few of them and even auditioned for the chorus at a summer school a few years before she met me. With no formal singing training she got in but was unable to actually do it. See, dedication, and why she has to go and see this film on its second night. She should have gone last night but she shilly-shallied and left it too late to book.

A rarity. It's me. An actual photograph of me
online. I know. I don't think I can be traced
from it though...
In the meantime I have successfully put the children to bed and am awaiting getting the chinchilla out. I should be working and preparing stuff. But I'm not. I have no idea where the compulsion took me but I do know that I am now sat typing this in my dress (yes, I only have one, it's the one from ASDA whose image I keep posting), tights (2005 vintage), boots (the ones I bought last year), knickers (black pair under tights and a lovely pinks and grey frilly pair over the top for effect) and a bra I bought online in 2005 that's a smidge too small around the chest (stuffed with socks of all things. Lord knows why, but the dress wouldn't hang right otherwise I suppose). I have pilfered a necklace that was a gift to Tilly from some friends two years ago that she's not yet worn (it's been out on a shelf gathering dust and getting tangled with shit since, so I don't feel too guilty about that) to wear and, for some unearthly reason, I've decided to put in a tampon.

And you know what? I feel great. Comfortable and very much like myself.

So, a rarity doubled. Another (no, really, it's
different) shot of me dressed tonight.
Don't get me wrong, I know I wouldn't pass even in the dark and from a distance, but I feel more like me than I normally do. I feel charged and ready. Not even totally sexually, though there's no denying that aspect to things, but mainly just at peace. I would quite happily go for a walk with a long coat (or Tilly's poncho I guess) and a hat and just walk.

I guess I'd like a more feminine watch than the one I wear, pretty unisex all told, but that's about it for wistfulness.

I feel pretty.  Relaxed.

I know that this can't last. Even though Tilly isn't due back until 10.40pm there's the chinchilla to get out and the very strong possibility that a snot-filled boy will be abroad before long. And there's the Girlie who was most upset and sad that Mummy was going out and is likely to be up and out soon enough with trips to the toilet or asking for food or just generally announcing that she misses Mummy - she's at that age you see. Also, I should wash the pots and sort the kitchen out a bit. Then there's the stress about finances (again), though they aren't as bad as usual at this time of year. I haven't had to borrow any money from Tilly (indeed, I've paid £600 back over the last year) and we're still in the black. Things are just tight at the end of the month and we just have to be careful 'til the 16th when the credit card cuts off and we're into the next month - which will be good.

I have this bizarre fetish where we pay the credit card off in full each month you see. Means that we can't spend what I don't get a month later after bills and mortgage. It's a pretty good system but leads now and again to situations like now where we're having to be rather careful about how much we spend on normal items. As you can see, there is a modicum of stress involved. But, strangely, I can recount it here, adjust a bra strap, and not feel worried at all. Just... aware, but at peace. This is like taking a long bath, I guess, I can feel myself luxuriating in the feelings and the freedom and liberation.

I was going to post other things but, right now, they don't feel terribly relevant.

This is bliss, this is happiness.

4 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that you got to take a moment all to yourself. I can't imagine how rare that is with a full family, and that has to be especially stressful when you want to do something like dressing and need that complete privacy.

    Thank you for sharing that feeling... and I DO mean sharing it! Just seeing how happy and relaxed it made you makes me feel a little more at ease myself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *blushes profusely*

      You're welcome?

      *is a little... no, a lot embarrassed, but in a good way*

      Delete
  2. Very nice to see the title of your blog reflected in a post. Happiness suits you, I think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice of you to say so. I completely agree!

      Delete

All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!