|A rarity. It's me. An actual photograph of me|
online. I know. I don't think I can be traced
from it though...
And you know what? I feel great. Comfortable and very much like myself.
|So, a rarity doubled. Another (no, really, it's|
different) shot of me dressed tonight.
I guess I'd like a more feminine watch than the one I wear, pretty unisex all told, but that's about it for wistfulness.
I feel pretty. Relaxed.
I know that this can't last. Even though Tilly isn't due back until 10.40pm there's the chinchilla to get out and the very strong possibility that a snot-filled boy will be abroad before long. And there's the Girlie who was most upset and sad that Mummy was going out and is likely to be up and out soon enough with trips to the toilet or asking for food or just generally announcing that she misses Mummy - she's at that age you see. Also, I should wash the pots and sort the kitchen out a bit. Then there's the stress about finances (again), though they aren't as bad as usual at this time of year. I haven't had to borrow any money from Tilly (indeed, I've paid £600 back over the last year) and we're still in the black. Things are just tight at the end of the month and we just have to be careful 'til the 16th when the credit card cuts off and we're into the next month - which will be good.
I have this bizarre fetish where we pay the credit card off in full each month you see. Means that we can't spend what I don't get a month later after bills and mortgage. It's a pretty good system but leads now and again to situations like now where we're having to be rather careful about how much we spend on normal items. As you can see, there is a modicum of stress involved. But, strangely, I can recount it here, adjust a bra strap, and not feel worried at all. Just... aware, but at peace. This is like taking a long bath, I guess, I can feel myself luxuriating in the feelings and the freedom and liberation.
I was going to post other things but, right now, they don't feel terribly relevant.
This is bliss, this is happiness.