Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

I fail at therapy

I got a letter in the post this morning from the therapist that did my session back whenever it was.  The session had ended with him assuring me that they would give me a "fair crack of the whip" due to the effort that I'd put in and that he would hold off on making future appointments until after I had been diagnosed for Asperger's.  There was every indication, said he, that I would be back and that psychoanlytical psychotherapy could help with some of the problems I have.

The letter tells a different story.  I have been referred to the Asperger's Carers Support Group (sic) and been told that I have been discharged from psychoanalytical psychotherapy as it has been decided that it would be of no help to me at this time.  If I have any queries I am to take them up with my GP rather than contact them directly.

I think I was just politely told to "fuck off".

Thing is, despite the fact that I really didn't like the session, I feel like I've failed some great test of character.  I feel like my father was right when he asked me to consider that therapy wasn't for people like me.  I feel...  Well, I don't think a support group for carers of people with Asperger's will be able to do much for me and, if they can, will likely diagnose me as what I fear I am: lazy emotionally and generally just lazy.

I'm angry at myself.  I'm angry at the fact I'm so messed up even therapists can't say things to my face and write it in letters instead.  I'm angry that I'm too pig-shit stupid to be helped by Cognitive Behavioural Therapy over the best part of a year and then fail to even get a look in with something else.  Basically, I'm either Aspergic, in which case nothing changes but things at work become slightly more condescending and unhelpful or I'm just a nob, in which case nothing changes at all.

Get the violins out...

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!