Words of warning and welcome:

This is very much my blog, so don't be surprised if this doesn't follow accepted patterns and norms. Obviously it started out as a blog about my cross-dressing but it has developed a great deal since then. It is a place where I can be anonymous and honest, and I appreciate that.

It will deal with many things and new readers would do well to check out the New Readers' Page above this and the tag down there on the right. Although there's nothing too bad in here there will be adult language, so be careful. If you think this needs a greater control, please let me know. Thank you!

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Resolution(s)

So, it's four days into the New Year and I haven't made a list of what I did last year (and doing so is looking pretty unlikely) nor have I made any statements about what I resolve to do in this pristine snow-white year that lies ahead.  The latter I think is something I should do.

I have been trying to focus on the positives in my life, in an attempt to break a negative chain that I keep running, and also I've been attempting to stop being so hard on myself.  This is on the advice, well the not beating self up thing is, of my CBT professional.  Given that she's trying to help me and that my issues cause the problems they do in my familial relationships it behoves me to at least try.  Some resolve here may be just the ticket, in other words.

So, in 2012, I resolve to:

1. Not whine so much: basically I should make sure that this blog is mainly upbeat, that I focus on the good points and events that happen in my life.  Say I manage to dress, I shall focus on the nice feelings that come with it and avoid the guilt about the fact I keep it a secret, it's not like I haven't tried to make it a shared thing!

These are nice shoes.  £7 if I hurry.  I somehow doubt I'll get
them, and the boots are nicer, but still £25...
2. Be more positive at work: I shall stop apologising profusely when things go wrong and not feel that I have to fix every problem that I come across.  It may be within my capabilities but it may not be in the reach of the time I have available, I can tell other people and leave it there.

3. Go out dressed and in heels: at least once, and before the better weather arrives with the lighter nights, so that I can enjoy myself and the feeling without having to worry so much about discovery.  If I ever get round to buying that pair of shoes from ASDA or buying a pair of boots this may be easier than trying the summer weight shoes I have at the moment.

And I think that three are more than enough to be getting on with.  Especially given the large nature of these, I don't want to set myself up for failure, it would be the opposite of Point 1.

I really liked playing this.  I wasn't very good,
but I liked it a lot.  I suppose I miss it.
Oh, okay, I have 4. Play some Medieval Total War again: because I don't find time to do these things any more and I used to, whilst getting more done and generally being a happier person.

Also, my noodlings on here reminded me that one day I wish to complete a novel, and so I thought I may start that project here.  I seem to be updating pretty regularly now, it's become enough of a part of my routine that I actually check back here often and so I may actually be able to harness this power to do something that I want to do beyond simply being very honest.  I like it here, I like the fact that I have some anonymity, it lends me the strength to actually be, well, me.  It's like the opposite of Gabriel's Theory of the Internet.

Part of me is actually still pretty amazed that I have any page views at all that aren't me, so the fact that I seem to have regular numbers is really something.  I didn't think that would ever matter quite the way it does now that it's happened.

Anyway, as ever, there is loads more that I'd like to be saying on here, revelling in the freedom I get on this corner of the web, but I have to get an early night.  I never seem to write the posts that I plan, I always end up dealing with other things - perhaps this is a positive, it does mean I'm more honest and, looking back, I suspect that I'll appreciate that more than some well-planned piece on think-y stuff.

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All comments are welcome, I have a thicker skin virtually than I do in real life!